Departure – A story for compromise

Where have we reached? Which direction are we going? Have we expected this? I was with my oldest friend. We started our lives together on this earth on the same date in the same village. What a miracle we are together since then – in school, in service and after retirement. So we are one soul. We know each other better than our parents.

God has given us full support with his blessings. But at the last stage of life, my friend is very disturbed because of his granddaughter. She was good in health and wealth but her married life’s conditions took the shelter of court for friendly separation after three years of married life. He was perturbed. Whatever was earlier considered unacceptable, is happening friendly nowadays. No one wants to compromise or tolerate odds. Why should only I? This question is worse than hell. In our time society, relatives and family members could not tolerate or accept such thinking. Marriage means, being together forever. It is made in heaven. But, now it has a different approach. My life is mine. My decision is for my welfare. My and I are first. My family and your family or many other factors are also playing roles.

All changes in the thinking and society took full review in our minds. We were happy and together in paucity.  Now, our limitations appeared lovely. We had roots intact and love to love all. Our homes were first on the priority list. Our expectations and anticipations were close-knit with family, friends and society. 

We accept that women have been the worst sufferers due to full dependency on males in the family.  We had realised it in our lives at early stages. We had seen restrictions on girl students – no more movements, no liberty, limited education and full obedience. We had read about many improvements but problems were there because of a lack of education and independence. We had realised the position of women in villages and encouraged our daughters to get full education for independence.

We accept that our daughters took care of their daughters and our granddaughters are financially independent, ready to take decisions and courageous to face problems. They are doing better and giving messages to be educated. They have taken the opportunities.

We are both friends and have witnessed developments and growth in resources of education and support to girls to be free of plights seen by their predecessors. But a new type of problem differentiating villages and cities in regards to the availability of essential facilities has taken place. Villagers went to cities, though living in miserable situations there, did not want to return to their native places. Old people from the village may not live with their sons and relatives in the city because of outsiders’ feelings, restrictions and lack of a healthy climate etc.

Everyone in the village was having a relationship, and helping attitude during thick and thin. They were one. They had news of all. These things are missing in cities. Most of the population migrated from villages, like leaves separated from original trees and flying with the mercy of the wind. So, the history of many families is not known in the city. But in villages, such is not the case of missing family history. These all help in making discussions and taking decisions. It is very informative for an institution like marriage. It is somewhat missing in cities. Most of the marriages are solemnised only on discussions between the two aspirants or through matrimonial sites where the roles of elders in the family are to agree only. After marriages, in most cases, turmoil starts because of a lack of submission, compromise, healthy dialogue and huge differences in views. Besides these financial matters, male dominating ego, financial independence of females and family’s interference on both sides are also aggravating the relationships. Then the roles of courts for separations and freedom from misery come.

My oldest friend’s granddaughter was also prey to all such nuances and the matter was in court for friendly separation. But separation is always harmful and should not be encouraged. Two families lose good time, money, and healthy society structures. The children of such families suffer the most. My friend was very upset about the deteriorating values of life. We are the example to foreigners of centuries-old family values and cultures. They are adopting our values and we are accepting their ” use and throw ” lifestyles. What a pity? 

My friend was weeping and I could only console him. We could only help each other. We know that the reasons may be many but education has to control the mind and thinking. In the education system, another English system is playing a role? Perhaps, we may never see daughter-in-law, mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law together to retain the traditions and culture. No doubt, everyone matters but compromise may not be ruled out. We compromise at every place – education, working places, and otherwise. But we do not want to compromise on the most important aspect of life. Why? The ego of being male or female?

Earlier we had come across a case where the husband was jailed for mischief in married life, but compromise got a place after discussion and the couple is living together. Ugly separation should be the last option.

My friend said no one may be perfect with all qualities but live together with all odds, with willpower. Arguments and differences are spices in life. Now life is not easy. It is full of tension, leading to depression. Psychological problems and monetary situations are playing roles in life. We know the repercussions of fiscal positions in behaviours. We in the village face it but have the satisfaction of not purchasing everything from the market for living and meeting both ends. Most of us have our own house and produce our items for food. We live with limited resources. But in the city where payment has to be made for everything, fiscal conditions affect life and such situations may arise if there are differences in views of life in marriage. During the economic recession, we found the end of many families in many countries due to the bankruptcy of many industries and fiscal institutions etc. Such separation was rampant.

My friend became more serious and said we should take care of the future from the very beginning of service because in this world money matters more than relationships. It may bring peace at every stage of life. It may stop separation on any basis. We have travelled from the combined to the nuclear family stage. No one is ready to sacrifice for life. Growth in a career in service is more important than family. Even children are considered a hurdle in life. Is it life where no one is to share or cheer emotions of life? We are becoming a machine. Now, education on our social and moral values is a must to avoid such separations.

I agreed with my friend but not completely. This difference is the basis of our friendship. We fight but discuss the reasons for the fight. We never forget our smiles.

S E L F – Respect

It is said that mother, motherland and mother tongue should always be respected without sarcastic remarks. Mother’s place is greater than heaven. Likewise, motherland and mother tongue have a place in everyone’s heart. Even distance is not the barrier and the heart always throbs for them. While the mother is an individual’s concern, motherland and mother tongue are binding factors among all. In present days of need-based migration, these are the identities of a person. Everyone should respect these three gems of life for self and others because without self-respect no one may discover self. The moment we forget them our slavery starts. Others start ruling over and controlling as per their needs. All freedom movements, the world over, are for restoring self-respect. Our nationality may change but not our identity.

Self-respect is armour and should be in every place, whether at home or working places. If any relative at home or boss at working places disrespects beyond limit then a reaction is expected from everyone. No compromise is appreciable because self-respect is extremely self.

In this materialistic world, bosses are always ready to fire their employees who have devoted their lives to them. Students are disrespecting their teachers for small causes. Juniors are ready to assess the utilities of seniors who have trained them. All these happenings are the indicators of deterioration, biases and self-interest in the working atmosphere. It is better to fight for self-respect at such places or may leave these places in self-respect and see another pasture after giving a befitting reply.

In this world, we are boasting of a developed civilization but women are the most suffering class concerning self-respect. They are taken for granted as easy prey because in the name of modesty they are advised to keep silent for themselves and family. They are lesser paid at working places as compared to males for the same work. They are considered as weak and meant for certain works only, specifically for household workers in these so-called developed societies. But it is a matter of solace that education and self-reliance have motivated them and they are taking a stand against malpractices. Their “Me too” movements are exposing the reality of many famous personalities in the societies. This is a new beacon of hope. They have to go miles before self-respect is ensured everywhere. They deserve respect as a mother, sisters, wives and daughters, in all other assigned roles.

We have many complexes in mind for nothing. We deliver sermons with good words advocating equality for all before almighty but it is not true in practice. Our behaviours distinguish. We have grudges for the complexion of black and white, for the superiority of races, etc. We follow a double standard for our selfishness to dominate. Even children are not spared and they are facing abuse at home and in schools etc. We treat them as the hope of God but reality matters the most. It is not praised worthy.

One day situation may change with consciousness and spirit of self-respect. If we go through the two epics of the Sanatan religion – the Ramayan and the Mahabharat we may find that in every Era self-respect mattered. Wars were fought and kingdoms were devastated. Moreover, it is found that in “kali yuga” ( as per the  Sanatan religion it is the fourth stage of the world. It is the age of misery, quarrel, moral decay and hypocrisy ) for saving self-respect, ladies practised Jauhar- a practice of mass self-immolation for honouring modesty and chastity from invaders.

Disrespect of one’s self-respect is an unpardonable crime and needs stern dealing. Before that, one who does not fight for self-respect is like a stone. We should not forget that VIPs are made by us but everyone takes birth with self-respect given by the almighty. We should bend our heads before God and not before so-called perishable VIPs. No one may be a destiny decider. We are not here to satiate the ego of someone.

Self-respect is an individual’s concern but the attitudes of society need complete modification. We should understand the meaning of hidden thoughts in rituals where persons of every profession are involved and deserve respect. Even grass and thorns are used respectfully in puja ( worship) in the Sanatan religion. This is the message of our rituals that nature has also self-respect and nothing is useless. We should not forget that nature may snatch self-respect through many means.   

Position

I will see you. You don’t know, who am I? You will bear the consequences. These are lines, generally heard  during discussions between any authority and someone on roads or in different offices. This reflects the approach of a man and the importance of a post. Such discussions reveal that someone is applying pressure to do the wrong or to get rid off punishment and penalties etc.

Here the question is about the importance of a  man or the post held by the man. It is true that every post has been empowered with rules and regulations, for good governance and importance of post is also as per hierarchy. But lines of threatening are hurdle and instigate corruption and mitigate the importance of rules, regulations and posts. The position held is not permanent and one day, on retirement, all become same in the society. So, the importance exists in post, not in the post holder. As a common man, ones importance is in abiding the rules and regulations. So, our behaviors are most important for respect and the tags of VIP and VVIP are not permanent. Good times do not last too long.

I remember one incident’s happening, during my  journey by train. One of my friends was with me, without proper reservation. He was having an importance of being son – in – law of an officer holding very high post in bureaucracy. Because of that he was feeling comfortable for facing the ticket checker and police. I got a very good lesson to tackle such situations. I witnessed that during discussion, after listening the threat of post and probable actions against him, the police man said ” you may be whatever you say but, at first, I will beat you and ask for an excuse from your relative officer by saying that every one tells your name and try to get favour and it is true, he does know.” My friend paid the fine and got lesson that post is important but with dignity.

Human and humanity should get importance because posts in various departments in governing bodies, are created for giving services to public and rules and regulations are framed for their smooth execution, to ease the life with safety and security. So, everyone is to satisfy importance of each other but no one is above law.

It is ridiculous to think that he is more important. Everyone is important. If we observe, we find that in nature everything is important, from invisible creatures to big mammals, from thorns to flowers,  and from grass to big trees etc. The ecology of nature is balanced because of all and any disturbance may bring havoc.

Human should learn from the best teacher, the nature, about giving place to everyone.
Our attitudes of giving importance are not limited to posts in service but also in every walk of life. Intelligent students get importance in classroom and schools, human get importance in society by comparing wealth, size of house and no of cars and number of servants etc.

There are different yard sticks for defining the importance, every where. Such attitudes are detrimental to the civilisations and empower to do the wrong things and corruptions spread as termites due to misuse of power. Only respect should get priority.

Everything is important. Everyone is important. When almighty has not differentiated, we may not do like this. Every creature is doing respective business and is equally important. We should not be power crazy. Services with serving attitudes should prevail.