Departure – A story for compromise

Where have we reached? Which direction are we going? Have we expected this? I was with my oldest friend. We started our lives together on this earth on the same date in the same village. What a miracle we are together since then – in school, in service and after retirement. So we are one soul. We know each other better than our parents.

God has given us full support with his blessings. But at the last stage of life, my friend is very disturbed because of his granddaughter. She was good in health and wealth but her married life’s conditions took the shelter of court for friendly separation after three years of married life. He was perturbed. Whatever was earlier considered unacceptable, is happening friendly nowadays. No one wants to compromise or tolerate odds. Why should only I? This question is worse than hell. In our time society, relatives and family members could not tolerate or accept such thinking. Marriage means, being together forever. It is made in heaven. But, now it has a different approach. My life is mine. My decision is for my welfare. My and I are first. My family and your family or many other factors are also playing roles.

All changes in the thinking and society took full review in our minds. We were happy and together in paucity.  Now, our limitations appeared lovely. We had roots intact and love to love all. Our homes were first on the priority list. Our expectations and anticipations were close-knit with family, friends and society. 

We accept that women have been the worst sufferers due to full dependency on males in the family.  We had realised it in our lives at early stages. We had seen restrictions on girl students – no more movements, no liberty, limited education and full obedience. We had read about many improvements but problems were there because of a lack of education and independence. We had realised the position of women in villages and encouraged our daughters to get full education for independence.

We accept that our daughters took care of their daughters and our granddaughters are financially independent, ready to take decisions and courageous to face problems. They are doing better and giving messages to be educated. They have taken the opportunities.

We are both friends and have witnessed developments and growth in resources of education and support to girls to be free of plights seen by their predecessors. But a new type of problem differentiating villages and cities in regards to the availability of essential facilities has taken place. Villagers went to cities, though living in miserable situations there, did not want to return to their native places. Old people from the village may not live with their sons and relatives in the city because of outsiders’ feelings, restrictions and lack of a healthy climate etc.

Everyone in the village was having a relationship, and helping attitude during thick and thin. They were one. They had news of all. These things are missing in cities. Most of the population migrated from villages, like leaves separated from original trees and flying with the mercy of the wind. So, the history of many families is not known in the city. But in villages, such is not the case of missing family history. These all help in making discussions and taking decisions. It is very informative for an institution like marriage. It is somewhat missing in cities. Most of the marriages are solemnised only on discussions between the two aspirants or through matrimonial sites where the roles of elders in the family are to agree only. After marriages, in most cases, turmoil starts because of a lack of submission, compromise, healthy dialogue and huge differences in views. Besides these financial matters, male dominating ego, financial independence of females and family’s interference on both sides are also aggravating the relationships. Then the roles of courts for separations and freedom from misery come.

My oldest friend’s granddaughter was also prey to all such nuances and the matter was in court for friendly separation. But separation is always harmful and should not be encouraged. Two families lose good time, money, and healthy society structures. The children of such families suffer the most. My friend was very upset about the deteriorating values of life. We are the example to foreigners of centuries-old family values and cultures. They are adopting our values and we are accepting their ” use and throw ” lifestyles. What a pity? 

My friend was weeping and I could only console him. We could only help each other. We know that the reasons may be many but education has to control the mind and thinking. In the education system, another English system is playing a role? Perhaps, we may never see daughter-in-law, mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law together to retain the traditions and culture. No doubt, everyone matters but compromise may not be ruled out. We compromise at every place – education, working places, and otherwise. But we do not want to compromise on the most important aspect of life. Why? The ego of being male or female?

Earlier we had come across a case where the husband was jailed for mischief in married life, but compromise got a place after discussion and the couple is living together. Ugly separation should be the last option.

My friend said no one may be perfect with all qualities but live together with all odds, with willpower. Arguments and differences are spices in life. Now life is not easy. It is full of tension, leading to depression. Psychological problems and monetary situations are playing roles in life. We know the repercussions of fiscal positions in behaviours. We in the village face it but have the satisfaction of not purchasing everything from the market for living and meeting both ends. Most of us have our own house and produce our items for food. We live with limited resources. But in the city where payment has to be made for everything, fiscal conditions affect life and such situations may arise if there are differences in views of life in marriage. During the economic recession, we found the end of many families in many countries due to the bankruptcy of many industries and fiscal institutions etc. Such separation was rampant.

My friend became more serious and said we should take care of the future from the very beginning of service because in this world money matters more than relationships. It may bring peace at every stage of life. It may stop separation on any basis. We have travelled from the combined to the nuclear family stage. No one is ready to sacrifice for life. Growth in a career in service is more important than family. Even children are considered a hurdle in life. Is it life where no one is to share or cheer emotions of life? We are becoming a machine. Now, education on our social and moral values is a must to avoid such separations.

I agreed with my friend but not completely. This difference is the basis of our friendship. We fight but discuss the reasons for the fight. We never forget our smiles.

Love – My will

I am happy, I want love.
I am sorry, I want  love.
I am alone, I want  love. 
I am lost, I want love.

I am to dream, I want love.I am to move,
I want love. I am to stay, I want love. I am to continue, I want  love. I am to bear, I want love. I am to yield, I want love. I am to sleep, I want love. I am to sweat, I want love.

Love me to grow. Love me to love. Love me to console. Love me to play. Love me to help. Love me to hate. Love me to sow. Love me to reap. Love me to believe. Love me to live. Love me to die. Love me to swim. Love me to sink.

Love me to be sure. Love me to be confident. Love me to be me. Love me to be lovable.

Love me for others. Love me for yourself. Love me for myself. Love me for all. Love me for nothing. Love me for everything. Love me for greatness. Love me for nature. Love me for creatures. Love me for less. Love me for more. Love me for beauty. Love me for ugliness.

God I am your part, don’t depart, always love me. I am in love of love for your love.

I did in the wold what you wanted. In your world –  everyone was with me but no one was for me. Everyone loved me but not for me. I was for all but no one was for me. I had relatives but for namesake. I was borrower but no one was lender.

I am your child I want to remain like that to be innocent in my life, please accept me. I am yours, I want to be yours at last, please accept me. I am from you. I want to be lost but in you, please accept me. I want to be merged but in you. I want to be submerged but into you. I am a drop of your ocean. Please save me from nexus.

Let me be I, let me be me, let me be myself, but at last, let me be you and yours forever. Let me rest in peace.
And my, the last will  from you is, let me  remember my mother always, even with you, only. Please ignore my sin.

Habits

   I have both good and bad habits. I always had attitudes for my thinking and good habits when I was in my village.
When I went to my district headquarter for higher education after passing the class 10th exam, I faced with the facts that all my earlier good habits were ridiculous for  city dwellers. There I learnt the new good habits of going to cinema and tried smoking also for belonging to developed category. I became cunning and wicked. Even I changed my thinking and speaking  style. But when I went to  bigger city for further study in university all my habits of yesterdays proved to be sign of backwardness. I adopted new habits of bunking classes for nothing, roaming here and there in search of smartness, demanding more money from home despite knowing the financial condition of father. I became more selfish to show  smartness. Now, I recalled as to how my elder brothers and their friends used to discuss on cinema, heroes and heroines showing their  knowledge and smartness. I also recalled the villagers who had left the village for ever. Whenever they came for short visit they proclaimed that villages are not worth living and people are very backward as compared to people of cities.

My journey for education witnessed the various stages of developed  attitudes and habits from village to small city to big and bigger cities. In short, it was like categorisation of undeveloped, underdeveloped, developing and developed nations of the world and stereotype attitudes towards each category. Our country is still considered as country of snake charmers and poor beggers despite our rich history and stupendous contributions of ancestors in science, maths, universe and medicines etc. and modern developments in various fields. Such attitudes are there for villages in cities. Once upon a time our country was famous as sone ki chiriya( golden bird).
Finally, I became a very good, smart, self centered and  selfish professional. Though I knew all my adopted  good habits were bad or worse as I was a villager by birth and having selfless helping attitude. I used them for survival, wherever necessary, in the so called developed big, bigger and biggest cities.
But at last, I accept,  I was lost with no identity. I am still a villager by heart. No city without villages can flourish. I have settled at the countryside and road has reached upto my village. I am afraid of changes. ???
We should never change our good habits. We may refine, define and confine them to be more confident in changing world. Humanity should get importance for over all developments and self-interest. We should take lessons from ancestors and utilise experience of seniors. We know old habits die hard but existence and continuity should get preference. Morality may fill every gap.
We have tried to make harmful cocoons around us in the name of developments. It is better to be wise to look into the future from the outcomes of present. Simplicity paves for completeness and spreads smile.
Such habits will pay forever.