I, at the end of my last phase of life, need a fairy to solve all my problems, as my mother and grandmother used to tell me in childhood about her unpredictable power. I know since then that she has had ways for all problems. So, I like fairy always every time in a story and want her in life.
Every night, in my childhood, fairy came at least in the story to feed me, to make me strong and to fulfil my wish after my sleep. I always insisted on the story of a fairy cladded in pink dress. All stories of birds and animals were not as effective as that of my favourite fairy’s sayings were.
One day, I was very worried, not willing to eat, because I had observed that all adult members in the family did not listen to fairy’s tales at night. I wanted to know as to how they eat without the story of my pinky fairy. I asked my grandmother for that doubt. She smiled and said that every adult had been having a fairy for the whole day and night after a definite age. They take care of each other for all their needs and share lives. She had, further, told that I would get a fairy after some age in reality.
I enjoyed my childhood with my pinki fairy and at a suitable time, my living fairy, as wife, was given to me with prescribed rituals and responsibilities. That day, I laughed and got the realities of situations.
After marriage, life started with full gusto. In adulthood, my fairy took her bite at her will. She had been satiating me but at what cost? Who did pay the most? I guess both shared equally for good causes of individual but as together, one by two. We divided together to multiply to add to the time that was always tested and gave opportunities for continuity.
My fairy was enticing and giving meaning to my senses to reciprocate the same. The time was stolen by both of us to mesmerise to forget ourselves. My fairy gave directions and purposes to proceed and process the opportunities to be in dreams to realise the emotional consequences for quenching the thirst of time. What I got was of use for a defined duration. After that, I became accustomed to my life’s fairytale.
Later in life, this fairytale was my treasure to smile and relax whenever I felt free to swing the memories of youth. Sometimes, I wanted to ask for pardon on my extremism without considering its repercussions. I was, as per my teasing attitude, a fool but she loved me.
It should have continued till last for both of us. But, one day, without any early warning, my fairy left to another world. I interpreted that she wanted to take sweet revenge from me with her last smile, holding my hands. I was helpless as usual. Her perpetual slumber created a void in my life.
As a companion, she had shown me the path leading to satisfaction from senses to peace in mind to salvation. She had translated my silence into meaningful words and sentences.
Love never ends. I remember my life started from zero. I recall my life started with zero. I know that life will end into zero. I am playing on the tunes of time. How can I forget my living fairy and fairytale? I want her again and again in my dreams as well as in life.
The infant is sleeping.
We guess –
Gift of God.
Baby does not know the language.
when a baby smiles, chuckles and weeps.
We guess –
Baby starts knowing the language.
Restrictions’ imposition activates.
When baby grows older.
Courses decide target.
Cycles complete meaning.
Repentance occupies space.
Reviewing changes life.
In the sequence of growth –
Wind swings mood.
Life meets life to begin.
That is the end ?
One day, I met my death on my way to life. I was happy and I wanted to have a talk before embracing my death. I asked my death’s whereabout. My death smiled and told me that it was within me waiting for time to meet me. I was a little bit surprised to be a carrier of my end. I assumed that death was knowing everything of my activities for survival in the world. So, I directly came to the question to know the reason for all activities. The death laughed at me and simply replied, there were many categories of activities except God’s assigned activities. I became worried and asked the reason. The death replied that the reasons were giving priorities to unnatural over natural habits and choosing bad over good. I became more curious and enthusiastically asked to explain in detail. The death stared and told that you all had written a lot but do nothing and you had no time, except for assigned responsibilities. However, the death told that we humans were in problems due to lust, greed and different languages. It, further, said that animals had only one language for emotions and senses in nature, so they were happy with limited contentions, but you people had different meaning for a single word used at different places. You all were confused by such things involving self-interest. My death laughed and told that you, in practice, had different meanings for the same word ” interest.” I had no answer, but I told that humans had developed brains and were capable of doing impossible things. My death agreed, but I was told that except for that difference, we were equivalent to animals in many respects. Because of the brain, the death told, we had a sense of insecurity, we loved others for self-interest, and we fought for supremacy. Because of the brain, we had created God to demand security from all odds. The death said to me, ” God is presently a truth where you surrender due to the limit of your thinking and knowledge. The day you will control both life and death, you will think to be a God.” When I told my death that I had not accepted all views, the death replied that it had no intention to discuss. My death became angry and told me to leave the cage – the body. I requested one more question to know about the death. The death replied to me that it was the beginning of life and answer to my unending questions.
The death started carrying me. I cried to leave me. But no one listened. I cried for help. The death laughed and told me that no one would help or accompany me.
I had lost all my senses, but it was my dream. It was very dreadful. When I analysed the conversation, had with my death, I found the truth of deficiency, selfishness, corruption, fight for supremacy and other vices of destruction in the human race. We had not seen good in others as belonging to the same human creed. The death appeared to be true in analysing our faith and faithfulness to unknown power due to limitations.
I concluded to live well and leave good in a life. My search for peace continues. Perhaps ‘give’ and ‘leave’ are two steps towards it. Our all questions are within the periphery of these two words. I think so.
One night, I saw Moon in cosy mood,
Moon said to me to see inside.
I found someone asking many questions,
But my own questions were unanswered in this world.
In the morning, Sun said,
“I remove the outer darkness,
See within to remove your darkness.
Someone is waiting for you.”
“I am the limit to touch.
Fly but with caution.
You may be pulled down.”
Stars in the sky said,
“Most of us are dead,
But our light exists,
You try to be like us.”
“Vary your speed to adjust.
But be clear in intention.
Everyone is important.”
River guided to break barriers.
Mountain challenged to cross.
The tree smiled to bear fruits.
Animal provoked to be fighter.
With passage of time –
Flower said to blossom,
Time said to move,
Morning said to progress,
Noon said to evoke,
Evening said to catch the moment,
Night said to refresh,
Works said to enjoy,
Challenges said to analyze,
Problems said to endeavour,
Achievements said to thrill,
Progress said to accommodate,
Success said to share,
Others said to give way,
Society said to return wholeheartedly,
Love said to thrive life,
Mood said to adjust,
The relationship said to entertain.
More than these –
Life said to be like nature,
Bird said to be free,
The child said to be innocent,
Aspirations said to be competitive,
Thought said to be holy,
The situation said to be meaningful.
At last –
God said to analyze to be with him.
The world is fabricated like this.
I am not beggar by birth. You, the almighty, have written passion, desire, compassion, peace, attitude of submission, inclination towards omissions in life and many more on my memory card in your language for survival in this world. I could have had your treasure intact for sailing the boat of life in your world after translating your wishes into reality. However, the memory card remained the same, but the language developed by humans has overlapped your expectations. They have corrupted it. They have become their own God to formulate favourable rules for themselves.
I am sure your language’s code has not been understood completely and misinterpreted as per will and situations by humans. They have jumbled letters to change meaning. They have changed positions of words to confuse. They have transformed and punctuated sentences to make them passive for the whole life. The memory card has been activated through artificial intelligence for worldly vices – greed, lust, falsehood, anger, fear, hate and selfishness, etc. They have modified themselves to compete with each other to be equivalent to God and influence humanity. They have intentions to squeeze the fears of humans in the name of destiny and desire of almighty. They highlight the dark side of any event to prove their relation with you, my almighty. They twist your teachings. They mend your concepts. They have unveiled many secrets of world and universe made by you, but they are not honest enough to change the age-old beliefs and superstitions for their sake. They use all comfort providing scientific advances but have grudges to change concepts because of you, in the name of your happiness and acceptance. If you visit your world sometime in the future, you may notice the gender inequality and status differences in humans only because of you. They have assigned gender specific duties, only for your desire’s fulfilment. They have status differences for their egos. But they are not capable of turning upside down. Whatever they are carrying forward, are only in your name.
They have restricted the meaning of your love to all. They love their followers for your sake. Their hate from others is an expression of love for you. They fight with each other to carry forward and to keep intact faith in their respective beliefs.
Any true follower of you faces all worldly hindrances to examine and deviate from your real teachings and is considered as a threat to old but useful and beneficial beliefs from their point of view. If he or she continues, despite all odds and shows something miraculous happenings by your grace, they treat him or her like God to worship. However, they fight with each other, for that as per their beliefs and mould his or her achievements for glorifying respective faiths. They use it as another source to dominate over others.
Your memory card is overlapped by cunning thoughts of humans from time to time, my dear almighty. Your puppets play on their own tunes in your name.
I imagine that you may be confused whenever you try to understand your world during the next visit. If you give your introduction, you would have to fit into their different types of moulds made because you have been changed by shapes, sizes, and colours. You are sometimes without shape, also. Here, wrong is right. Here, might is recognised. Here, number and gender matter. Here, every thought is to take over and change the world in your name. Here, human conditions are because of you. You will find that you are the most used and loved one in many ways.
One thing is common everywhere, that you are the inspiration and armour for all beliefs and bellicose. You will find that humans are controlling you. You will find peace broken into pieces. You will find our search of peace in materials, but in vain. You will witness that they have classified your world and made it circus. They are ring masters in your name.
Ultimately, I am drawing pleasure from the changed world, but it is not real. I am having love but not real. I am deceiting myself and only it is real. I have faith in you and want you to spread love with such a weapon that no one may write over or delete it from any type of memory card. Love should prevail. We should be media. You are the source of all.
It appears that we have seen our ripping time. I told my wife at the dining table. She was taking care of my dishes and instructing my caretaker rather than my well-wisher as per my health condition. She stared at me in a style opposite to the stare that we enjoyed at a young age. Stares in the history of young age have different meanings at different times and on different occasions. I think that staring is a good, silent example of a homonym figure of speech in life. But at dining time at this phase of life, it is always used as a warning of repercussions, later in solitude in my phase of life. As usual as a right of control, her reply was every time the same related to my health issue. I always retaliated but submitted to her with pleasure.
She is my friend, well-wisher, all-weather partner and caretaker from my childhood. Yes, we have grown together, fought for silly things, protected each other and shared our toys, as we have been neighbours. We do not know when childhood friendship converted into natural love and attraction to be together. Our friendship got one more name of binding in marriage with the consent of both sides’ families.
Since marriage, she has become my companion wholeheartedly. Though we have been in marriage, yet we are friends first and we have no hesitation in conversations and giving meaning to life concerning each other with due respect. In other’s views, the flower had timely blossomed for us and our lives had been disciplined to be rational to have “our” times.
As time is like a bird, it has flown to turn us older and older. Health has sent a warning to be careful. On the front of prospects, we have been blessed with one son and one daughter, but God has taken back our parents for continuity of his cycles.
There is no need to write in detail that many concepts have changed, emotions have been saleable, relationships have been self-oriented and many unexpected heinous things have taken space with our greying hairs. But only she is with me and I may say that she has taken my all problems. I always express my indebtedness to my mother, who has handed over me to another good, sensible, supportive and comprehensive woman. She is the guardian and like a dictator for me but becomes a friend in my time of need.
After my retirement, she has become more conscious related to my health and engagements to be busy. She has a plan to pass the time without repentance on our previous life, which has seen negligence for herself. We mostly play games of our childhood to pass the time together. The only difference is that we are now freer while playing these games. But this is not the solution. We search for pleasures for our smooth survival.
Life may not always be smooth, we know. The time has changed for our son after the change in his status. He has been employed and independent. We have done our duties as parents and grandparents, but our traditional expectations have failed. We do not need monetary support, but only emotional and timely care are required. The main concern is about the situation of being one in the world due to God’s actions.
Still, we are talking about rituals. I have seen many old parents who are like us. We are happy that our children are making their way. But we are waiting for the last breath in life. We do not have opportunities to be busy or to utilize our expertise. Even print media or electronic media or other organisations take notice of we old folks at special times as a token of recognition.
This phase of the life cycle is not well planned. There is no sufficient institutional support for old people dealing with their problems. There are negligible management systems for them. An old-age care system may be evolved into an industry of professionals like health sectors. Robots and artificial intelligence may be modified for the care of older people. Olders are like children. They need care like children. They are useful with their capabilities. They may always be contributors in many ways.
We old folks need graceful farewell and termination from this world.
I think that every gap reveals something like continuity or something like discontinuity. It may also tell about the endeavours of something to achieve. The gap may be natural or man-made but is found everywhere. The natural gap, depending upon many factors, may be abridged, but the human-made gaps in humanity control nature and humans’ history of concepts or developments or conflicts. Both types of gaps have common features. They separate. They are also important to give a fillip to think and plan for betterment.
I think that the gap is more evident in human history. I have interacted with at least four generations. I have seen changes. I have listened to the changes. I have heard different stories from my grandparents and learnt about their tough lives. They were physically strong and had faced adversaries. They had time for themselves, relationships and humanity. They were mentally strong also. My parents were in a better position than my grandparents in many aspects but not in terms of the facilities that my generation had.
If we conclude thinking, it becomes evident that every generation thinks of facing more trouble and lesser opportunities than the preceding generation. It may be true but not for every aspect.
Older generations had many things limited and even not easily available. They had less with more satisfaction and were alive to humanity with miserable situations. They had close-knit interdependent societies. Their plights may be known from the study of the literature of their times.
I had seen, in my generation, the first single-lane tar road making in my town in the mid-seventies and electricity in the early eighties. After that, when the economy of our country got a boost, then lives started changing in all fields because of developments. The distance in space and time got reduced from hours, and minutes to seconds. We have a lot from the biggest to nono and pocket-sized technologies. The changes in all aspects of life have affected our generation a lot. Our needs increased manifold in terms of greed. We have gained many things in the form of problems. Our developments have brought comfort and ease in life, along with many conflicts and dissatisfaction. We have lost our peace and our temperament developed regarding questioning the rituals for scientific proof. Even age-old beliefs are doubted. All such activities have made miserable situations for the present generation, giving rise to unnecessary tension.
The present new generation is more informed than older generations but not channelized for stipulated results due to a lack of proper guidance. It has resulted in a thematic approach and sectoral attitudes in social harmony endangering humanity. We do not have sharing attitudes and time for others. We want fast lives and multilane roads with dividers but never try to think of accidents due to hurrying habits. We want everything at once. We are trying to unveil the secrets of the universe but are not ready to learn the meaning of life. We have given control of our lives to various technologies and artificial gadgets and are becoming a slave. Even the mind is guided by others.
We should not forget that despite all developments and self-reliance in many requirements’ fulfilment, every generation has common problems of hunger and basic needs. The brain needs food and the hand needs engagement. Both needs of the physique should be healthy and positive. Above all, our requirements may be assessed as per time and changes in the world for sustainability.
We should have open eyes and agile minds to foresee the future. We should be ready to meet changes and challenges in every generation. We may not always get everything suitable and favourable. We have to be ready to bear the fruits of our actions. We may not follow the pick-and-choose policy. Every second is changing. Developments are continuously ongoing processes. Present-day achievements may be futile in the future.
So every new generation gets more opportunities and more problems and has to be ready to rise to the occasion in absolute terms as a versatile organism, to be acceptable everywhere. In short, a multi-purpose robotic life, controlled from a remote without emotions and reactions, will be hard facts to accept. This may be harmful to the humanity and sustainability of our community.
It is the duty of every generation to have coordination between old and new refined moral values as a guide for humanity, culture and peace in life with modernisation. Amendments in thinking as ingredients for developments are continuous processes to be in a race with time. A risk-taking spirit always pays in every generation.
Now, in the modern context, the worst is being noticed within one generation. There are many types of gaps in every front of life full of conflicts. Many types of pressure are mounting in life. That may cause different types of developments and emanate problems in the human kingdom. The world is changing at a faster speed than earlier and affecting the new generation every moment by modifying established concepts.
Developments and changes in human history are the reasons for differences in generations. It will always happen, but the contributions of every generation in human history should not be overlooked.
I am busy fighting. Don’t disturb me, please.
I am busy remembering your faults. Don’t disturb me, please.
I am busy recounting your mistakes. Don’t disturb me, please.
I am busy observing others for my sake. Don’t disturb me, please.
I am afraid, I am evaluating myself.
I am disturbed, I am consoling myself.
I am obliged, I am bending myself.
I became human by killing an animal in me.
I am becoming an animal again by killing humanity.
I am changing my face into many faces.
I am hurting,
I am healing.
I am gaining,
I am decorating my inner home.
I am one,
I am for someone.
I am yours,
I am submerging my hidden thoughts.
I am flaring,
I am engulfing.
I am helping,
I am checking.
I am deteriorating,
I am succumbing.
I am denigrating,
I am relinquishing,
I am enjoying it.
I have drawn a line,
I have made a barrier,
I have sent a list.
My almighty –
I intend to understand your creations. I want to leave all my bad habits for my sake to enjoy your world, made with expectations. These are my disturbances. I am the dweller with unclear thoughts and an unknown future. I want to be to meet your intentions and live a life of your aspirations. I want to forget myself and my whimsical reasons to change interests for you. I want to follow your rules. I want to be lost in your search. Please remind your mind to this heinous world.
I wanted to show my strength and prove my calibre from the day society started judging me. I wanted to be a successful man to get a place in society. I thought that every successful man had been pursuing money. I had views that money makes the mare go. I had seen that wealthy people had respect and were welcomed everywhere in society without considering their attitudes and behaviour. So, the day I started my carrier in service, I made money my first and last resort to prove to society. I became famous as a money butcher. My house was big with all the possible modern facilities. My family was respected and invited to every function in society. Sincerely, I was busy ploughing the money’s field to multiply in the coffer. I had been a money printer by hook or crook.
I was not alone in that field of greediness. Before me, there were many souls. I was trained by many of them. Everything was well planned and well shared. I was enjoying myself a lot with all comforts missing my future. I could not say whether I was happy or not. I was depressed about money. The more the depression in me the more the urge for robbing the money was in me.
However, I think that the earth may never be deprived of even a single good human who may not change the thought process in favour of humanity. A single incident may change the behaviour and whole life of a human. The day it happens that day is the real beginning of life in a human. That enlightenment is the need in everyone’s life to make heaven on earth. Before that, any human would be having a life a little bit superior to animals.
My life was changed not by a Saint but by an incident of helplessness of a pious soul. Yes, I say him a pious soul because he has sacrificed his last shelter for the cause of others. He had sold his house to satiate my lust and quench the thirst of others in the system to give meaningful life to orphans. The day I got that information I died in me. I wept for my sin. I became a carcass for myself. I found myself nowhere in the universe but that man was twinkling in the sky as a beautiful, attractive star in my dreams. I lost my sleep for nights. The reality was that I remained a beggar with all comforts stored for the coming generation. My life was a curse. So, I decided to be a human and bring life to myself. I searched for that man and he became my path shower in this world. He became my real teacher who taught me the meaning of life. I learnt only one sentence- sacrifice to the sacred life of others without scaring of outcomes because God is there. God shows the path. Whoever treads, becomes a changer. He told me that I have changed because of God. I was owing to the incident that changed me.
I have changed to writing words and making sentences from words to be on the right path to meet a meaningful life for others. Confidence in me is now defining life. I have realised the joy of giving. I am enjoying positive thinking. I am relishing peace in me. Now, I accept you are somewhere my almighty.
I hope this mail reaches you well to read me. My mail is blank, you may interpret me. Life is like that. I am not solely myself. Only a few things are mine in your name. I struggle to be noticed in this life because I have been prepared to struggle. The struggle has been my fate and I want to get rid of factors deviating me from drowning in your ocean.
My almighty! I have sent a blank mail because my life has begun like a blank slate or like a white sheet. I was not aware of the circumstances of worldly affairs until I got the sense to be responsive to situations. Since then, on the blank slate of my life, many things have been written. These are controlled by many factors- local, social, regional, traditional, cultural, religious and national etc.
I know that I am a part of this world and the world gives opportunities but with many hidden controlling contents. Whatever I see, are allurements. I am fish in the net. Net is made of controlling factors. These factors are brain teasers. All factors have been written on my slate of life as per time, space, requirements, intensity, expectations, use and outcomes. They have modified me into business material. I have been monetized. I have a fiscal value. I have been made materialistic in this mortal world.
My almighty, though I have developed a professional attitude and body language because of worldly factors yet your natural factors and embedded codes in my physique has affected me also. I have also performed accordingly as and when every factor has influenced me from outside and from within to be as per your will. But I have not trodden paths to be near you because of worldly factors and dissatisfaction in life due to competitive attitudes and habits to grab more to exist and sustain with maximum benefit, though minimum may have been sufficient to survive.
I have missed the bus leading to you my almighty. I have entertained virtual beauty instead of your real beauty coded in nature and humans. Your all factors have activated me in time but I have been camouflaged by need, deed and greed.
According to human-made factors I may be considered successful and suitable for everything. But I find myself on the verge of bankruptcy for thoughts for you almighty. The world thinks that I am independent but I think that it is a relative term and everyone is dependent on many things. Here, in this world, humanity and human rights are the talks of everywhere with controversial discrimination for self-praise. Humans have always missed real facts for existence because of self-centred complexes and every time a new harmful concept is occupying the central stage in the world. Here, respect is paid to the rising Sun, in every concept and It is common everywhere.
I am succumbing to my situation and have sent a blank mail to you with the hope of your light overshadowing worldly factors to be near you. I have been running on a very smooth surface and having falls continuously. I want to be in your shelter. I am a missing drop of your ocean. I want to acknowledge you only. Whatever problems hinder me, you know the solution. I am medium to blame but still, I know that you are doing good for your creatures. So, I do not want to acknowledge the mortal world. I want your love before I start hating myself.