Me of Mine

I have “me” in myself. This me of mine is the root cause of all types of greed, distress and diseases.

When I was an infant, I was with my mother only. I always wanted to be with her only. She was my world for everything.
She was my life jacket in the world of problems from my first day on this earth. I learned to swim in this oceanic world under the supervision of my mother. She was my heaven. I was only comfortable with her.

   When first time I was sent to school I felt alone. My troubles started with learning the first letter of the alphabet in my mother tongue. I started facing worldly vices. My mother made me acquainted with such affairs and gave me lessons to cope with them.

One day my mother left me alone in this world for her invisible journey to another world. I became an orphan and easy prey to all nuances of society. I turned from good to bad and from bad to worse and worst.  I forgot to control my tongue and master the time for the sake of me. I could not behave like a sieve to be like a sage.

I was always right on the wrong side. Earlier, I had searched for myself in my mother but now without my mother, I had been a demon with harming tendencies. All earlier teachings were futile. I changed as per my needs and became more selfish. I had lost myself in me.

My love for myself had been a curse later in life. I wanted to regret and regain my childhood notions and thoughts. I wanted my mother to be with me again. But this was not possible.

I did not know the history of souls. My mind had a plethora of thoughts like waves in the ocean. I wanted to use my waves for me and for peace in life. I had recalled my mother’s teaching, –  “the new path starts from where you become helpless and confused about life and devote yourself to the almighty. Then he takes care.”

I have surrendered to almighty for his shelter. This time my me is not for myself but for selflessness. My me has submerged into almighty. I have restricted myself to a minimum for living and requirements. My thoughts start with him and end with him – the almighty. My me is for your cause.

Now I am yours. Sorry, I have never asked – ” how are you “? I am pity on myself for losing you. My repentance may please be accepted for me.   

Gratitude

I am not creator. I am contributor. I have always expressed my gratitude in my applications, written to the appealing authorities with selfish professionalism to extract favour from their arrogance, in  holding a God like position, in their senses.
Professionalism is always for the self first. I have done all this for my self growth and for satisfying my ego. My ego has been a driving force in my professional journey. It has shown me both short and long paths to tread in this journey of life. I opted the path as per situational demand.

I think my sense of gratitude was not by heart, so it never gave me happiness after any achievement. I was deceiting my self. I had many companions in my professional journey, posing as my well wishers in front of me. But they used to dig  my grave behind me for their egos. That was also a way of showing gratitude.

So, I understand that gratitude is a vehicle that carries everyone’s ego forward. The result of ego may be in positive or in negative, affecting the progress of units of executions. Rest lies in the hand of destiny.
Destiny is torch bearer. It is  controlled  by almighty. It is said that one can change destiny but that is also in control of almighty.

So, I think my sincere gratitude is to almighty. In my journey of life, I show my heartiest gratitude to all who have brought smile and happiness for me without expecting anything. My sincere gratitude in reality is for those who gave me experiences through their behaviours and attitudes. They have prepared me for odds and made me bold for existence. I reveal my gratitude and indebtedness to nature who has taken care of everything for my life. I have no sense of gratitude for my parents because I may not be selfish for them. My all thoughts end with them. They are my beginning and they are my termination. The lap wherein I got love,  peace, security, safety and learned lessons of life has no suitable word in any language of the world for measuring and expressing gratitude. I may reserve my will above all for them. I always miss them. My mother is above all and her lap is above God’s heaven. So, all my gratitude are to everyone visible or invisible in life’s journey.
May I give gratitude to me for always being me. I do am, my destiny. My gratitude is to destiny.