FACTS

Everyone knows that status is not permanent. Who will not accept that position or condition may not change? It is also known that time is not multiplied. All such facts we know but in reality, we forget them and repent later on facing the situation. The almighty evolved the life in animal kingdom up to the highest level of humans with developed brains but without languages. The only common language controlled by nerves, continuing in humans everywhere, might be then in existence. All good or bad happenings and habits of the present day are the results of the experiences and needs of humans, faced in course of growth and development.

Human civilization has seen changes from the stone age to the present age of scientific achievements. The changes have been witnessed from mega-sized machines to smaller to nono machines. Developments have been made in many fields. Humans have started exploring planetary bodies and the universe. The weapons have changed from stones of the stone age to modern-day sophisticated weapons. Since then, enemies have changed from visible to invisible types affecting everyone. Most of the changes have been recorded in black and white.

It is also a fact that every new generation has the opportunity to reap the benefits of earlier generations’ developments and achievements without experiencing the efforts made and challenges faced.

One of the facts, I think to be true is the controlling age factor and old age in humans are meant for reviewing life and educating the present generation from their experiences. This age of mine has met a minimum of three generations.
We have seen the maximum changes in social bindings from the combined family to the nuclear family, from cooperative to self-centred attitudes- a deviation from share and care culture.

I remember one incident when I had joined service in a government office where I met the father of my friend. He told about his emotions after receiving his first salary in service. He had spent his salary on the purchase of clothing for his parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters. I was surprised to note his feelings because I had sent only half of my salary to my parents. My grandfather had given all his income to his mother every month.

Now, I have grown older and am on the verge of retirement and the new generation is joining the office. I have been surprised to note that most of them purchased costly cell phones from their first salary to show their status without considering the situation of families and moral duties. The new generation has seen from copy to computer and from pen to e-system directly in one go. The earlier employees used to go to their parental houses to reside after retirement. Later, comfort played a role and settlement started in cities. Now the service opportunities are centred in a few places and the concept of ancestor houses is vanishing fast for a new generation.

These changes have mostly affected the old aged persons who have time but no one to share their experiences and expertise of life. When I was in my fifties, I was relaxed, as my father was my advisor and guide for all problems and my mother’s affectionate touch and love were my heavens. I always remained a child for them and enjoyed their experiences. One thing I remember is that in their last days they were like children having short memories and stubborn habits. I became their guardian for them till their departure from this opportunistic world. Now the question is what about me? I have a vacuum. I know the silent, unknown and sad departure of one of my friends because his sons were unable to come to meet him in his dying days. His whole life he had been praising the achievements of his sons for his status in society. We could know about his departure when his body was lying in a closed house, crying for disposal with a foul smell. All statuses proved futile last time without any social security. I am also sailing in the same boat and am worried. I think local common residences or well-managed old age homes may be promising for all aged persons.

Now, the effects of changes are as such that the new generation is not having time for themselves or family. This generation is getting treated as machines in professional life. This generation is mainly active on social media for information, time-consuming likes or comments and relationships after working time. The relations are nearer at the fingertips of gadgets but are emotionally far away due to distress and competition to prove to be excellent and exceptional. Life has been marketed to introduce the best product leading to psychological problems. Their slogan is that this life will not be met a second time, so enjoy it. There should be a new methodology to work free of distress to keep humanity alive. This generation is very sensitive and well-equipped to have an identity.

All problems have not gathered in one generation. We are expecting too much from the new generation without a proper education system and syllabus etc. We are harping on the same string for a long time. We need introspection for the new generation which is more career oriented and wants to be independent of duties towards older generations for lack of ” me time ” and costly lifestyle. We may not make every new generation scapegoat for our faults in teaching them moral, social and spiritual, etc. values and the importance of united families. It is our responsibility for the new world given to the new generation.

Besides, I have seen many changes after the economic revolution, in this one life. We have done more harm than good to ourselves through uncontrolled developments for supremacy. We have maximum adversely affected environments both surrounding and natural. We have seen the extinction of many species of birds and animals. Effects on seasons are also causing more harm to humans through erratic behaviours.

Nothing is permanent. Nature has been revealed through evolution and selection. The fittest always survive. It is the open secret of nature. It is now our turn to cautiously evaluate the progress-related activities for humans’ comfortable existence and sustainability. Otherwise, transformations may be heinous to civilization.

We should observe that nature has distributed all her resources throughout the globe, perhaps with the definite intention of evolving cooperation among all humans, besides geographical differences, for survival and existence. We are witnessing, after the division of land and ocean as properties of different nations that no nation is self-sufficient to survive alone and needs cooperation. We should have progressive scientific thinking to excel.

We have changed. We are changing at our cost.

CHILD IN SEPARATION- A Story

Am I a broken soul? Do I have an entity? Why do you not break the news related to me, as breaking news, showing for many hours on your TV channels?

Such were dialogues in a stage drama in which a boy was pleading before the judge on the fates of children facing the separation of parents because of the so-called heinous divorce. It was that part of the drama in which the boy was to choose one between his father and mother to live with after their separation.

The boy was fully prepared to open his plights of life. These were social and psychological problems. The boy told with full emphasis, ” he is a living gender in the world of so-called civilized society. He should not be treated as a commodity meant for sale to one person only. He has a soul that is on the earth because of two souls who have decided to increase their family – my parents. I am not ready to miss any of them naturally or unnaturally. My mother is like earth to me, and my father is like a mentor to show me the world. I want both of them for my growth, development and sustainability.

I am a witness to the heydays of my parents’ lives. I may not accept them separately because I am not a culprit, if their attitudes change toward each other later in life, I should not bear the brunt. As a child, I have my dreams to be in life. My future is related to both of them. I need their guidance, support, and togetherness for every moment.

My parents are the judges who have decided to bring me to life. Now, I should be given the right to decide their separation which I never accept because of their changing attitudes. I do not want to be like a helpless and hopeless boy who does wait for a predetermined particular day and time to meet one of the parents having a tag of divorcees. I do not want the part-time love of my parents. I do not want to be seen in society with pity. I know a few friends facing such situations. They are having many problems, especially psychological ones dealing with day-to-day work. Even classmates and friends change their views towards a child like me while talking. I do not want to be distinguished like that. If the father or mother remarriages, the condition of the stepchild becomes more pathetic. The condition of a girl child, who is supposed to have lion’s share to carry forward all the stigma of family, religion, traditions and society, is worse in this situation.

In my view, no parents should be allowed, in any condition, to be separated if they bear a child. Their relationship should not affect the future of a child. I know nowadays, due to social changes and so many opportunities present, parenting is also changing but the ultimate sufferers are children. These are taking a toll on children. Such persons who want to marry and also want to be parents in the future are supposed to be mature enough to know their responsibilities in life. A child who witnesses their affection and well-thought approach should not be a victim in the future, in their lives, if any kind of problem arises. I am not a child of an animal. I need to fight differently for existence in the changing world and I have to learn from and live with my parents.

Our society does not have any system to tackle such children. A child like me is also the future of a nation. I want to be a doctor. Who will bear my expenses for the same? A projected cost of studies, in case of no solution and ultimate separation, should be deposited or otherwise in the direction of a respectable Court, with direction to the automatic, timely release of funds to the concerned child like me. A third party under the full supervision of the court should be given the onus to look after such children. I do not want to go to any orphanage or shelter homes where situations may not be congenial, as I have read about many unhappy incidents in such dwellings in news. I am supposed to be the best but I do not want to be the definite worst.

I should not be prey to the unnoticed reasons that culminate later in the married life of my parents. This is not the judgement that is on my price. This is a kind of death warrant for my life in the world that judges everyone on its standard. No child is ready for this. I may not talk to God but I may tell my mind here in this world. I am not the only sufferer; society is to suffer also and bear the consequences of this human-made crime. Psychological and social studies, on children like me, are of no use if not giving lessons or redressal to stop such venomous acts.

Finally, I think that this story may be repeated in a second marriage. Then again, a child may face the same situation.

At last, I want to live with both of them so my parents should be punished to live together forever in life or till I become able and become independent. I am positive in the hope that I will be the reason for the revival of their togetherness.”

The message in the drama was very clear to settle the differences in married life in view of the future of children.

Hasty decisions should be avoided and separation should be last to come to mind with the closure of all options to be under one roof. Moreover, decisions at every step in life, mainly after marriage, should be well thought out, discussed and analyzed to avoid future problems, especially those related to children. The future of a child should be ensured until he or she becomes independent.

Departure – A story for compromise

Where have we reached? Which direction are we going? Have we expected this? I was with my oldest friend. We started our lives together on this earth on the same date in the same village. What a miracle we are together since then – in school, in service and after retirement. So we are one soul. We know each other better than our parents.

God has given us full support with his blessings. But at the last stage of life, my friend is very disturbed because of his granddaughter. She was good in health and wealth but her married life’s conditions took the shelter of court for friendly separation after three years of married life. He was perturbed. Whatever was earlier considered unacceptable, is happening friendly nowadays. No one wants to compromise or tolerate odds. Why should only I? This question is worse than hell. In our time society, relatives and family members could not tolerate or accept such thinking. Marriage means, being together forever. It is made in heaven. But, now it has a different approach. My life is mine. My decision is for my welfare. My and I are first. My family and your family or many other factors are also playing roles.

All changes in the thinking and society took full review in our minds. We were happy and together in paucity.  Now, our limitations appeared lovely. We had roots intact and love to love all. Our homes were first on the priority list. Our expectations and anticipations were close-knit with family, friends and society. 

We accept that women have been the worst sufferers due to full dependency on males in the family.  We had realised it in our lives at early stages. We had seen restrictions on girl students – no more movements, no liberty, limited education and full obedience. We had read about many improvements but problems were there because of a lack of education and independence. We had realised the position of women in villages and encouraged our daughters to get full education for independence.

We accept that our daughters took care of their daughters and our granddaughters are financially independent, ready to take decisions and courageous to face problems. They are doing better and giving messages to be educated. They have taken the opportunities.

We are both friends and have witnessed developments and growth in resources of education and support to girls to be free of plights seen by their predecessors. But a new type of problem differentiating villages and cities in regards to the availability of essential facilities has taken place. Villagers went to cities, though living in miserable situations there, did not want to return to their native places. Old people from the village may not live with their sons and relatives in the city because of outsiders’ feelings, restrictions and lack of a healthy climate etc.

Everyone in the village was having a relationship, and helping attitude during thick and thin. They were one. They had news of all. These things are missing in cities. Most of the population migrated from villages, like leaves separated from original trees and flying with the mercy of the wind. So, the history of many families is not known in the city. But in villages, such is not the case of missing family history. These all help in making discussions and taking decisions. It is very informative for an institution like marriage. It is somewhat missing in cities. Most of the marriages are solemnised only on discussions between the two aspirants or through matrimonial sites where the roles of elders in the family are to agree only. After marriages, in most cases, turmoil starts because of a lack of submission, compromise, healthy dialogue and huge differences in views. Besides these financial matters, male dominating ego, financial independence of females and family’s interference on both sides are also aggravating the relationships. Then the roles of courts for separations and freedom from misery come.

My oldest friend’s granddaughter was also prey to all such nuances and the matter was in court for friendly separation. But separation is always harmful and should not be encouraged. Two families lose good time, money, and healthy society structures. The children of such families suffer the most. My friend was very upset about the deteriorating values of life. We are the example to foreigners of centuries-old family values and cultures. They are adopting our values and we are accepting their ” use and throw ” lifestyles. What a pity? 

My friend was weeping and I could only console him. We could only help each other. We know that the reasons may be many but education has to control the mind and thinking. In the education system, another English system is playing a role? Perhaps, we may never see daughter-in-law, mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law together to retain the traditions and culture. No doubt, everyone matters but compromise may not be ruled out. We compromise at every place – education, working places, and otherwise. But we do not want to compromise on the most important aspect of life. Why? The ego of being male or female?

Earlier we had come across a case where the husband was jailed for mischief in married life, but compromise got a place after discussion and the couple is living together. Ugly separation should be the last option.

My friend said no one may be perfect with all qualities but live together with all odds, with willpower. Arguments and differences are spices in life. Now life is not easy. It is full of tension, leading to depression. Psychological problems and monetary situations are playing roles in life. We know the repercussions of fiscal positions in behaviours. We in the village face it but have the satisfaction of not purchasing everything from the market for living and meeting both ends. Most of us have our own house and produce our items for food. We live with limited resources. But in the city where payment has to be made for everything, fiscal conditions affect life and such situations may arise if there are differences in views of life in marriage. During the economic recession, we found the end of many families in many countries due to the bankruptcy of many industries and fiscal institutions etc. Such separation was rampant.

My friend became more serious and said we should take care of the future from the very beginning of service because in this world money matters more than relationships. It may bring peace at every stage of life. It may stop separation on any basis. We have travelled from the combined to the nuclear family stage. No one is ready to sacrifice for life. Growth in a career in service is more important than family. Even children are considered a hurdle in life. Is it life where no one is to share or cheer emotions of life? We are becoming a machine. Now, education on our social and moral values is a must to avoid such separations.

I agreed with my friend but not completely. This difference is the basis of our friendship. We fight but discuss the reasons for the fight. We never forget our smiles.

CONFUSION-The story for beginning

It was a valid question. How long may we go together? She asked. For me ” Why ” was involved in this doubt. So I wanted to know the reason for that question before the beginning of an important phase of life.
She replied that the world is changing fast, so we may also change with the world in time. I smiled to know more. She went on to speak on many examples of having negative impacts and broken lives, full of tears. I agreed for a little but tried to convince her to explore deeply as a social and personal researcher.

We have many types of lives, in one life given and fully controlled by the almighty for duration and extent. In that one life, social responsibilities give this opportunity where two are involved to grow together as one entity to procreate. This life is the main centre surrounded by many types of activities and lives expecting responsibilities. This is a fact where competition should not come in mind to dominate over each other. We should not compromise but cooperate and trust each other for the best results. The natural duties assigned to different genders may not be changed. One may assist or cooperate in such functions.

We are social animals, not like wild animals where most of the duties are responsibilities of females, especially towards children. But such is not the case with us, human beings, as we have developed brains to excel. The moment a relation is given a name, the identity changes with certain terms, as an addition in relation. In your question, this marriage is of this kind.

I agree to accept that society has been very much conservative in this matter towards females, having attitudes mainly restricted to the kitchen and family. Those were the days when education was not in approach of all females and self-reliance was a dream to them. Those conditions began changing when the social revolution started and became successful after a lot of resistance. But still, the plight is not completely over because of male dominating attitudes. Even highly educated males are having such attitudes and their animal instincts dominate occasionally.

Now, after a few generations, the pathetic old conditions of females are changing their course, towards equality and equal terms because of the spread of education among them.

She looked at me differently for more. I continued. Please ignore the doubts and confusion because they kill the future and ruin life. Whatever we are at present, is because of our parents who were not knowing our futures and proceeded in their lives with positive attitudes. We always advance towards an unknown future and our positive attitudes pave the way. Everything will never be smooth and relations are tested in thick and thin. We should always remember that two are better than one to face any situation. One should give inspiration about satisfaction and cooperation. No one is perfect. So more doubt on self’s willpower and control may not bring anticipated results. Yes, there is no doubt that every relationship asks for sacrifice, ignorance, adjustments and tolerance up to a certain extent. The relationship of the mother always demands sacrifice. No one may help you here, beyond a limit because it is above all relationships. Even God needs her.

My views helped her a little. She expressed her doubts because of the unsuccessful marriages of her many friends. She said that most of them are facing court cases. So, she has many doubts. ” Many doubts make someone weak and may lead to loneliness,” I said. You should analyse your confidence before taking a final decision but take lessons from your parent’s life. It is true that relations give rights but brings responsibilities also and life is not like one-way traffic. We should drive carefully. Your words and attitudes play important roles in every relationship. If necessary, one should interfere, otherwise, silence is the best medicine. Honest discussions may bring solutions. If you give a chance someone to be a judge for solutions then one may add fuel to the fire as per his or her interests. Whatever, I have told, is not new but needs refreshments through any means. She smiled a little with a meaningful stare, this time. I thought this is the right time to strike at the right place. I told her that you were too thoughtful to spoil the meaningful life ahead. Moreover, your over consciousness is questioning your self-confidence. Perhaps, you are silently accepting and endorsing the old concepts and traditions related to the conditions of women who were ill-treated, most of the time as slaves. Moreover, educated and self-reliant ladies should take the lead to change the male-dominated society. Rest is in your mind to decide. But one thing, we should never forget that our mothers have made us despite limited liberties. You may also change the world in any circumstance.

Finally, I smiled and said that I could not anticipate your questions to be asked in my old age about future generations, which might have come into existence because of your cooperation and sacrifices. You may not kill God gifted instincts of any gender.

At last, I have a question for you- what will be your reaction if you find out that a girl is proposing to a boy for togetherness in future? You should note in any generation,  natural differences in males and females regarding physique, tenderness, nature, functions and responsibilities etc. may never change except in exceptional cases. You may face many such or other types of questions in times to come with more advancements and the spread of education.

This confession brought emotional reactions to her body from tip to toe. She smiled and proceeded on the important future venture in marriage with confidence. I am with her now blessed in madness in life.    

Half truth

Whenever, we attend discussions in any place of substance, we go through a number of quotations and examples of historical incidents related with the topic. Such discussions influence the working and  atmosphere. If it is a gathering of students, then the attitudes change with aspirations to follow the sayings and characters of heroes and leaders etc. Many of them may be applicable and suitable in changing world but the emphasis depends upon the background of personality appealing to do so. If it is matching with personality, everyone considers in positive. Otherwise, the analytical ability of well equipped gentry may ask many questions. So walk the talk is the best way to impeach someone.

We may find, in pre-independent era, the aspirations and actions, in many cases, of public, were controlled by situations, attitudes of surroundings and behaviors of leaders. Public, on appeal of leaders were ready to sacrifice everything, even their lives. Those leaders had lived the lives what they were expecting from others. Many of them had set examples by sacrificing everything for the nation. The same continued in  post-independent era for a few years.

As the time passed and new thinkings started taking birth, aspirations and actions of people  were also influenced and  started changing. International politics and developments, in modern days, in all aspects of life are also added in the list of influencing factors. Besides, competitions, greeds, lust and cheating factors are also taking influencing sizes and need attentions.

In our social structures, it is clear that tender children get affected from surroundings, family traditions, occupation of parents, school, friends and education. When they grow and get matured, the factors, needed to meet livelihoods, play roles in behaviors’ management. These affect nation building activities. The country becomes strong or weak, depends from here on the influences of leaders and their behaviors.

We are finding that we are missing and fighting with all for self. It is a matter of respect if someone walks the talk. If activities of anyone is minutely observed, we may find gap in credibility. So example is better than percept. Such half truths may not have long life. There was a time of less education and less news spreading means. Many of things were hidden. Now, time has changed. All information are available on finger tips across the world. No one may be made fool for long time.

In the interest of nation every new generation should be well taught and sacrifices of our ancestors should be made known from very beginning in schools to make character building. Otherwise, the present may have opposite effects on future of a nation, when the self is dominating in all walks of life.

The education system should be robust and the teachers should be highest paid of all, as they make eligible all for different services in the interest of nation. If teachers and education are neglected, no nation may flourish peacefully and preachers should walk the talk.

NEVER THINK WHAT AFTER ME

It is misconception in older generation, as to what will be after me? What will be the future? How this new generation will handle the situation?
Such questions are commonly heard in offices and other places where experience and expertise come in due course of work’s execution and problems’ handling. The bosses express their views, opinion and vision like this and forget about their beginning.

There are no questions on age and experience but the discussion leading to discouragement in new comers at a working place may never be welcomed. Any working place should be treated as next home and behaviour of the boss should be like guardian as being father figure. The boss should know that post does  provide forceful respect but real respect is earned from behaviour and attitude. Otherwise, relationships will be formal.

We should not forget that most of the workers are gathered from different places having different backgrounds. The boss should treat them as a family to extract the best from them. If boss has discipline wise, region wise, religion wise and caste wise, biased approach in dealing subordinates, the desired results may not be achieved. The working atmosphere will be venomous. All these expose the fear of boss of losing status and importance.

There is always difference in thinking and working styles in between two generations.
There may not be any excuse. The onus lies on the older generation to accommodate. Younger generation need attention and proper guidance.

If the boss does not treat the subordinates well, like sons and daughters, he or she doesn’t deserve to get respect after retirement from service. This type of grievance of non respect from subordinates is common by retired boss. It also depends upon the traditions formulated by preceeding bosses for each other. We should remember that you reap the same what you sow.

So questions of doubts on future should not be raised in sarcastic manner to humiliate new comers. New generation is always ambitious, agile and more mature. They have proved their efficiencies in studies and have capacity to excell, if get proper treatments. They have already faced tough competitions to hit the target.

There is always an exchange offer, give respect and take respect. New generation has changing attitudes- both services and bosses. They may not wait till retirement because this life will not be met second time. Because of stupid and arrogant bosses, most of the time, subordinates  may leave services or take premature retirements and offices loose assets.

The situation worsens when the boss projects to be like God. This attitude is very heinous for the country and needs complete surgery to make a man in reality, a man by behaviour. Such bosses give rise to revolutionary movements against odds and they need more attentions.

The selection procedures of top bosses should be on  strict norms in the interest of office and not because of seniority or some sorts of relations in higher-ups. This type of selected bosses raise questions to quench their complexes. The working atmosphere may be at stake. Boss may  not be always right.  Boss does not know everything because of chair.