They Laughed

When I smiled at flowers, they laughed.
When I cried at my fault, they laughed.
When I wept on my fate, they laughed.
When I fell because of them, they laughed.
When I slipped due to ignorance, they laughed.
When I missed a chance, they laughed.
When I remembered you, they laughed.
When I excused their faults, they laughed.
When I enjoyed my loneliness, they laughed.
When I shared my views, they laughed.
When I cared about their systems, they laughed.
When I failed in my attempts, they laughed.
When I passed the hurdles, they laughed.
When I changed myself, they laughed.
When I worked for them, they laughed.
When I slept in peace, they laughed.
When I wanted a favour, they laughed.
When I wrote my grievance, they laughed.
When I lost my beloved, they laughed.
When I worshipped my God, they laughed.

They judged me. They commented on me and my feelings. They expressed their attitudes, faith and hate. They killed me in their thoughts.

They have different moralities. They have developed their standards. They are doers. They are decision takers. They are implementors. They are assessors. They govern. They are true by themselves. They have a complex of greatness.

My almighty call me back. I have crossed the tolerance limit given by you. Even you have been defined and limited to their whims. They know how to twist your teachings.

Almighty! may you delimit your existence. I am to live in this world as per your wish, but your existence is at stake. You are being exchanged with their attitudes and dictatorships. Fear of your wrath is their strength. You are like a rubber stamp. You are a seal, taken for granted. They are two-edged swords. You have been divided for their convenience.

Now the question comes – who is supreme? Who is the controller? What is the reality? Who will bell the cat? Only darkness appears to be a distinguished reality. Your light is awaited again. You matter the most.

Departure – A story for compromise

Where have we reached? Which direction are we going? Have we expected this? I was with my oldest friend. We started our lives together on this earth on the same date in the same village. What a miracle we are together since then – in school, in service and after retirement. So we are one soul. We know each other better than our parents.

God has given us full support with his blessings. But at the last stage of life, my friend is very disturbed because of his granddaughter. She was good in health and wealth but her married life’s conditions took the shelter of court for friendly separation after three years of married life. He was perturbed. Whatever was earlier considered unacceptable, is happening friendly nowadays. No one wants to compromise or tolerate odds. Why should only I? This question is worse than hell. In our time society, relatives and family members could not tolerate or accept such thinking. Marriage means, being together forever. It is made in heaven. But, now it has a different approach. My life is mine. My decision is for my welfare. My and I are first. My family and your family or many other factors are also playing roles.

All changes in the thinking and society took full review in our minds. We were happy and together in paucity.  Now, our limitations appeared lovely. We had roots intact and love to love all. Our homes were first on the priority list. Our expectations and anticipations were close-knit with family, friends and society. 

We accept that women have been the worst sufferers due to full dependency on males in the family.  We had realised it in our lives at early stages. We had seen restrictions on girl students – no more movements, no liberty, limited education and full obedience. We had read about many improvements but problems were there because of a lack of education and independence. We had realised the position of women in villages and encouraged our daughters to get full education for independence.

We accept that our daughters took care of their daughters and our granddaughters are financially independent, ready to take decisions and courageous to face problems. They are doing better and giving messages to be educated. They have taken the opportunities.

We are both friends and have witnessed developments and growth in resources of education and support to girls to be free of plights seen by their predecessors. But a new type of problem differentiating villages and cities in regards to the availability of essential facilities has taken place. Villagers went to cities, though living in miserable situations there, did not want to return to their native places. Old people from the village may not live with their sons and relatives in the city because of outsiders’ feelings, restrictions and lack of a healthy climate etc.

Everyone in the village was having a relationship, and helping attitude during thick and thin. They were one. They had news of all. These things are missing in cities. Most of the population migrated from villages, like leaves separated from original trees and flying with the mercy of the wind. So, the history of many families is not known in the city. But in villages, such is not the case of missing family history. These all help in making discussions and taking decisions. It is very informative for an institution like marriage. It is somewhat missing in cities. Most of the marriages are solemnised only on discussions between the two aspirants or through matrimonial sites where the roles of elders in the family are to agree only. After marriages, in most cases, turmoil starts because of a lack of submission, compromise, healthy dialogue and huge differences in views. Besides these financial matters, male dominating ego, financial independence of females and family’s interference on both sides are also aggravating the relationships. Then the roles of courts for separations and freedom from misery come.

My oldest friend’s granddaughter was also prey to all such nuances and the matter was in court for friendly separation. But separation is always harmful and should not be encouraged. Two families lose good time, money, and healthy society structures. The children of such families suffer the most. My friend was very upset about the deteriorating values of life. We are the example to foreigners of centuries-old family values and cultures. They are adopting our values and we are accepting their ” use and throw ” lifestyles. What a pity? 

My friend was weeping and I could only console him. We could only help each other. We know that the reasons may be many but education has to control the mind and thinking. In the education system, another English system is playing a role? Perhaps, we may never see daughter-in-law, mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law together to retain the traditions and culture. No doubt, everyone matters but compromise may not be ruled out. We compromise at every place – education, working places, and otherwise. But we do not want to compromise on the most important aspect of life. Why? The ego of being male or female?

Earlier we had come across a case where the husband was jailed for mischief in married life, but compromise got a place after discussion and the couple is living together. Ugly separation should be the last option.

My friend said no one may be perfect with all qualities but live together with all odds, with willpower. Arguments and differences are spices in life. Now life is not easy. It is full of tension, leading to depression. Psychological problems and monetary situations are playing roles in life. We know the repercussions of fiscal positions in behaviours. We in the village face it but have the satisfaction of not purchasing everything from the market for living and meeting both ends. Most of us have our own house and produce our items for food. We live with limited resources. But in the city where payment has to be made for everything, fiscal conditions affect life and such situations may arise if there are differences in views of life in marriage. During the economic recession, we found the end of many families in many countries due to the bankruptcy of many industries and fiscal institutions etc. Such separation was rampant.

My friend became more serious and said we should take care of the future from the very beginning of service because in this world money matters more than relationships. It may bring peace at every stage of life. It may stop separation on any basis. We have travelled from the combined to the nuclear family stage. No one is ready to sacrifice for life. Growth in a career in service is more important than family. Even children are considered a hurdle in life. Is it life where no one is to share or cheer emotions of life? We are becoming a machine. Now, education on our social and moral values is a must to avoid such separations.

I agreed with my friend but not completely. This difference is the basis of our friendship. We fight but discuss the reasons for the fight. We never forget our smiles.

Cooperation

Everyone has a separate entity, but the existence and continuity need cooperation. It is the primary requirement. One may think of being independent but should be aware that the beginning of life, in humans, demands cooperation. God has made the most developed creature- humans as such –  the most dependent, on each other and nature too.

Cooperation is the soul of the universe. Living and nonliving creatures are dependent on each other. Exchange and exploration vitally play roles in existence. The origin of life on earth became possible only because of cooperation among various essential factors. The same principles still hold.

In nature, ecosystems exist and cooperate for continuity and sustainability. We may observe that birds while eating fruits on trees, take care of living things like insects and ants etc. on the ground by falling some parts of the fruits they eat. If we explore we may get many instances of cooperation for coexistence in nature. In general, nothing is useless for nature. But humans have forgotten the need for cooperation for existence because of technological changes and consider themselves more powerful than nature. They are challenging the rules of balance of nature and the main principle of – live and let live – for their own needs. Nature can take care of all but follows paths of cooperation. We should not forget that in Sanatan Dharma ( Sanatan religion) our ancestors have made rituals to distribute a part of daily meals among birds, animals and others like fish etc. They had explored the importance and need for cooperation.

It is time for humans to be careful and vigilant to avoid extinction at last. We may develop. We may change the course of rivers. We may move on Moon and Mars. We may try to know the life in the universe, elsewhere. We may be the most powerful but we are the weakest creatures on earth. We should not forget that an ant may kill a much bigger and stronger elephant.

God has given unique qualities to humans to excel in but with limits. The moment humans make advancements in the name of progress, the matter of existence get worsens in future. God has made humans strong but emotionally controlled and needy for living.

Humans need the most from nature. We may not dictate terms and conditions to nature. We have to be cooperative as borrowers and not as scavengers for nature’s favouritism.  Cooperation may not be snatched. It needs devotion, sacrifice,  compromise and coordination from all and sundry.

CONFUSION-The story for beginning

It was a valid question. How long may we go together? She asked. For me ” Why ” was involved in this doubt. So I wanted to know the reason for that question before the beginning of an important phase of life.
She replied that the world is changing fast, so we may also change with the world in time. I smiled to know more. She went on to speak on many examples of having negative impacts and broken lives, full of tears. I agreed for a little but tried to convince her to explore deeply as a social and personal researcher.

We have many types of lives, in one life given and fully controlled by the almighty for duration and extent. In that one life, social responsibilities give this opportunity where two are involved to grow together as one entity to procreate. This life is the main centre surrounded by many types of activities and lives expecting responsibilities. This is a fact where competition should not come in mind to dominate over each other. We should not compromise but cooperate and trust each other for the best results. The natural duties assigned to different genders may not be changed. One may assist or cooperate in such functions.

We are social animals, not like wild animals where most of the duties are responsibilities of females, especially towards children. But such is not the case with us, human beings, as we have developed brains to excel. The moment a relation is given a name, the identity changes with certain terms, as an addition in relation. In your question, this marriage is of this kind.

I agree to accept that society has been very much conservative in this matter towards females, having attitudes mainly restricted to the kitchen and family. Those were the days when education was not in approach of all females and self-reliance was a dream to them. Those conditions began changing when the social revolution started and became successful after a lot of resistance. But still, the plight is not completely over because of male dominating attitudes. Even highly educated males are having such attitudes and their animal instincts dominate occasionally.

Now, after a few generations, the pathetic old conditions of females are changing their course, towards equality and equal terms because of the spread of education among them.

She looked at me differently for more. I continued. Please ignore the doubts and confusion because they kill the future and ruin life. Whatever we are at present, is because of our parents who were not knowing our futures and proceeded in their lives with positive attitudes. We always advance towards an unknown future and our positive attitudes pave the way. Everything will never be smooth and relations are tested in thick and thin. We should always remember that two are better than one to face any situation. One should give inspiration about satisfaction and cooperation. No one is perfect. So more doubt on self’s willpower and control may not bring anticipated results. Yes, there is no doubt that every relationship asks for sacrifice, ignorance, adjustments and tolerance up to a certain extent. The relationship of the mother always demands sacrifice. No one may help you here, beyond a limit because it is above all relationships. Even God needs her.

My views helped her a little. She expressed her doubts because of the unsuccessful marriages of her many friends. She said that most of them are facing court cases. So, she has many doubts. ” Many doubts make someone weak and may lead to loneliness,” I said. You should analyse your confidence before taking a final decision but take lessons from your parent’s life. It is true that relations give rights but brings responsibilities also and life is not like one-way traffic. We should drive carefully. Your words and attitudes play important roles in every relationship. If necessary, one should interfere, otherwise, silence is the best medicine. Honest discussions may bring solutions. If you give a chance someone to be a judge for solutions then one may add fuel to the fire as per his or her interests. Whatever, I have told, is not new but needs refreshments through any means. She smiled a little with a meaningful stare, this time. I thought this is the right time to strike at the right place. I told her that you were too thoughtful to spoil the meaningful life ahead. Moreover, your over consciousness is questioning your self-confidence. Perhaps, you are silently accepting and endorsing the old concepts and traditions related to the conditions of women who were ill-treated, most of the time as slaves. Moreover, educated and self-reliant ladies should take the lead to change the male-dominated society. Rest is in your mind to decide. But one thing, we should never forget that our mothers have made us despite limited liberties. You may also change the world in any circumstance.

Finally, I smiled and said that I could not anticipate your questions to be asked in my old age about future generations, which might have come into existence because of your cooperation and sacrifices. You may not kill God gifted instincts of any gender.

At last, I have a question for you- what will be your reaction if you find out that a girl is proposing to a boy for togetherness in future? You should note in any generation,  natural differences in males and females regarding physique, tenderness, nature, functions and responsibilities etc. may never change except in exceptional cases. You may face many such or other types of questions in times to come with more advancements and the spread of education.

This confession brought emotional reactions to her body from tip to toe. She smiled and proceeded on the important future venture in marriage with confidence. I am with her now blessed in madness in life.    

S E L F – Respect

It is said that mother, motherland and mother tongue should always be respected without sarcastic remarks. Mother’s place is greater than heaven. Likewise, motherland and mother tongue have a place in everyone’s heart. Even distance is not the barrier and the heart always throbs for them. While the mother is an individual’s concern, motherland and mother tongue are binding factors among all. In present days of need-based migration, these are the identities of a person. Everyone should respect these three gems of life for self and others because without self-respect no one may discover self. The moment we forget them our slavery starts. Others start ruling over and controlling as per their needs. All freedom movements, the world over, are for restoring self-respect. Our nationality may change but not our identity.

Self-respect is armour and should be in every place, whether at home or working places. If any relative at home or boss at working places disrespects beyond limit then a reaction is expected from everyone. No compromise is appreciable because self-respect is extremely self.

In this materialistic world, bosses are always ready to fire their employees who have devoted their lives to them. Students are disrespecting their teachers for small causes. Juniors are ready to assess the utilities of seniors who have trained them. All these happenings are the indicators of deterioration, biases and self-interest in the working atmosphere. It is better to fight for self-respect at such places or may leave these places in self-respect and see another pasture after giving a befitting reply.

In this world, we are boasting of a developed civilization but women are the most suffering class concerning self-respect. They are taken for granted as easy prey because in the name of modesty they are advised to keep silent for themselves and family. They are lesser paid at working places as compared to males for the same work. They are considered as weak and meant for certain works only, specifically for household workers in these so-called developed societies. But it is a matter of solace that education and self-reliance have motivated them and they are taking a stand against malpractices. Their “Me too” movements are exposing the reality of many famous personalities in the societies. This is a new beacon of hope. They have to go miles before self-respect is ensured everywhere. They deserve respect as a mother, sisters, wives and daughters, in all other assigned roles.

We have many complexes in mind for nothing. We deliver sermons with good words advocating equality for all before almighty but it is not true in practice. Our behaviours distinguish. We have grudges for the complexion of black and white, for the superiority of races, etc. We follow a double standard for our selfishness to dominate. Even children are not spared and they are facing abuse at home and in schools etc. We treat them as the hope of God but reality matters the most. It is not praised worthy.

One day situation may change with consciousness and spirit of self-respect. If we go through the two epics of the Sanatan religion – the Ramayan and the Mahabharat we may find that in every Era self-respect mattered. Wars were fought and kingdoms were devastated. Moreover, it is found that in “kali yuga” ( as per the  Sanatan religion it is the fourth stage of the world. It is the age of misery, quarrel, moral decay and hypocrisy ) for saving self-respect, ladies practised Jauhar- a practice of mass self-immolation for honouring modesty and chastity from invaders.

Disrespect of one’s self-respect is an unpardonable crime and needs stern dealing. Before that, one who does not fight for self-respect is like a stone. We should not forget that VIPs are made by us but everyone takes birth with self-respect given by the almighty. We should bend our heads before God and not before so-called perishable VIPs. No one may be a destiny decider. We are not here to satiate the ego of someone.

Self-respect is an individual’s concern but the attitudes of society need complete modification. We should understand the meaning of hidden thoughts in rituals where persons of every profession are involved and deserve respect. Even grass and thorns are used respectfully in puja ( worship) in the Sanatan religion. This is the message of our rituals that nature has also self-respect and nothing is useless. We should not forget that nature may snatch self-respect through many means.   

POOR- The bread givers

I am not poor. I am not only born with a belly and a mouth but also have two hands. Like every one, I took birth as raw but my parents were categorised as the  poor by human’s  prescribed standards. Since childhood, it appeared that I was special for specific purpose, as if, God had sent me for already continued assignments and I had to bear them as destiny. I was provided opportunities for own developments, on so determined  equal basis, in the name of education and health etc. with separate bases, as securities, for my category, according to my affordability and status.

When I grew with my situational fate, my views analysed that great God never differentiated and provided everyone with same biological qualities but the existing system on earth was human made in the name of management and necessities.

I think poor have a very traditional approach towards life but knowledge on the poor’s history is immaterial. Solutions are expected only from controllers, as provider. Now, I find that all needy are kind of poor and actual poor by categorisation are the foundation of all types of growth. They are the means of employments and engagements. Everyone may agree in principle that  the poverty is a curse, but I  think, it is a boon for many in the society. When I analyse, I observe that poor are bread and butter givers to many like writers, artists, painters, film makers, NGOs and government employees etc. Everyone of each category gives attention to the poor in her or his specialsation to expose plights and earns for own survival. Every government tries to eradicate poverty through schemes but the poorness is still continuing.

The poverty is a fire that is destined to give energy to all activities. Perhaps, not a single work can be done without the poor. We are paid for work but only sufficient for survival to carry on the livelihoods.

The  Poor are letters to start. The Poor are words for depictions. The Poor are sentences for complete meaning. The  Poor are necessities. All government’s schemes may not show the end of poverty because the implementors are very poor and they need more attentions. They always have their first bites from our dishes. So, our continuation appears to be permanent. We may be easily recognised every where without difficulty because of psychological reasons of our surrendering to the situations. We have no honor or place in society and  we are never treated to be honest. These are well accepted thoughts. The Poor are something for every section of society.

Being poor, I am proud that my fate enables me  to make fate of others. My share is with everyone as reminder for caring me. I expect that one day my complete share will reach to me before my departure from this opportunistic world. I want to be real rich person, complete in all respects without any camouflage. May every poor be like that free of small, dirty, poorly drained and stingy huts or small rooms with dilapidated walls in a distant  side of a city or town, as neglected habitats, contributing in richness of others.

THAT DAY – A STORY FOR CHANGE

That day, I was witnessing the other face of her mild appearance. Till that time, she was in dilemma, to continue in that city or not. I knew her, as she was one of my classmates. She was not the front or back bencher. Her favourite place was in the middle but I preferred back bench for my comfort in  the classroom. I had attitude from very beginning, which still continued,  to wait and watch, before making companion, then friend if frequency matched. Because of that, I had only a few friends.

She became my friend one day,  after many  long discussions on life and its meaning. She was serious and I was always in light, joyous mood to have concentration. I had my style. One day, I dared to ask about her liking for the middle bench in the classroom. That day,  I had seen, for the first time, a light mood in her, when she smiled and said to have balance between ups and downs. I had guessed that that had been a serious smile. Life needed balance to exist in this biased world for females, leaving homes for a cause – she said. That day she told about the reason of her special psychology.

She had revolted in her conservative family of a village,  for higher study in university and was meeting her needs by self employment. I had got not sympathy but honours for her, since that day.
Naturally, I became more supportive to her. I could not be her shadow but a good friend was in me for her.

That day,  I had seen that she had cried, as her father had given ultimatum to be back to village for marriage. Marriage was the sole responsibility of her father who was impatient to complete it for the sake of  village and community. She had refused but her mother, who was supportive to her, came to settle the issue. I had met her mother, as mediator for her dreams. I got that tradition was the hindrance. She did not want to be in house, helpless like mother and grandmother fully dependent on males whether husband, brothers or sons. She knew that education could only break the ice. Her mother was worried about getting a match in community after her higher qualification.

That day, she had broken on her fate in the hands of males. She wanted to change her destiny. I knew that she was really nervous. I was also helpless. She looked towards me. I could not face her, as I was also student. Her eyes asked support. That language was silent.

That day, I immediately met to an NGO supporting females for education. She was recognised for her will and new light of hope in her life and for many other females. She grabbed the opportunity. Her mother blessed and left with encouraging words to not forget rituals and be the example, for others.

She was finally left alone to sail in the world. She started a job in the same NGO after completion of education. I was also earning in the same city and  frequently meeting her as friend.

One day, during discussion it was concluded that present engagement was not the end of the tunnel. It was decided to hold commanding position through administrative services. Due to her firm attitudes,  commitment and continuous preparation, she was finally on an important chair to deliver for betterment of others.

She was glorified for her achievements. The leader of her community felicitated her. Her father and relatives were abstaining from her because of their egos. But that barrier was broken when she reached her village to lay foundation stone for girls school. Her motivational speech, encouraged girls and villagers took pledge to send their girls out of village for higher education. It was a sea change in the village’s history. She was given credit for her foresightedness that education was important weapon to change destiny. Her father was also getting respect from officials and villagers. She was accepted by her father who was repenting on his traditional attitudes, under pressure of community.

I was happy to note my role in the whole changes in a life and for a good cause. But that was not the end for me. One day, in  an auto taxi she reached to my office without security and  entered into my chamber hurriedly. To my utter surprise, she called my home’s nick name, lovingly given by my mother. She took a seat before me and without any hitch,  told that she did not want discussions on life any more, that day, because she had discussed a lot with me. She wanted to give her life and took someone’s life. She wanted to give meaning and momentum to her life for future and continuity of her legacy. I told that I could not help in that extremely private matter. She laughed and said that was our matter and no one else was involved. She had decided to give ritualistic name to our friendship for social acceptance. I discussed a lot but she had taken permission from my parents. She was knowing that I had denied marrying many times. That day, she was woman of substance, eager to excell in all aspects of life. That day, her smile attacked on my nerves. I was the sailor for her – yours faithfully.

Ultimately, she took my hand and my life for her to be one. The good deeds continued. Story of life began and got meaning by the grace of almighty for others, from that day.

We were reciprocal to each other