CHILD IN SEPARATION- A Story

Am I a broken soul? Do I have an entity? Why do you not break the news related to me, as breaking news, showing for many hours on your TV channels?

Such were dialogues in a stage drama in which a boy was pleading before the judge on the fates of children facing the separation of parents because of the so-called heinous divorce. It was that part of the drama in which the boy was to choose one between his father and mother to live with after their separation.

The boy was fully prepared to open his plights of life. These were social and psychological problems. The boy told with full emphasis, ” he is a living gender in the world of so-called civilized society. He should not be treated as a commodity meant for sale to one person only. He has a soul that is on the earth because of two souls who have decided to increase their family – my parents. I am not ready to miss any of them naturally or unnaturally. My mother is like earth to me, and my father is like a mentor to show me the world. I want both of them for my growth, development and sustainability.

I am a witness to the heydays of my parents’ lives. I may not accept them separately because I am not a culprit, if their attitudes change toward each other later in life, I should not bear the brunt. As a child, I have my dreams to be in life. My future is related to both of them. I need their guidance, support, and togetherness for every moment.

My parents are the judges who have decided to bring me to life. Now, I should be given the right to decide their separation which I never accept because of their changing attitudes. I do not want to be like a helpless and hopeless boy who does wait for a predetermined particular day and time to meet one of the parents having a tag of divorcees. I do not want the part-time love of my parents. I do not want to be seen in society with pity. I know a few friends facing such situations. They are having many problems, especially psychological ones dealing with day-to-day work. Even classmates and friends change their views towards a child like me while talking. I do not want to be distinguished like that. If the father or mother remarriages, the condition of the stepchild becomes more pathetic. The condition of a girl child, who is supposed to have lion’s share to carry forward all the stigma of family, religion, traditions and society, is worse in this situation.

In my view, no parents should be allowed, in any condition, to be separated if they bear a child. Their relationship should not affect the future of a child. I know nowadays, due to social changes and so many opportunities present, parenting is also changing but the ultimate sufferers are children. These are taking a toll on children. Such persons who want to marry and also want to be parents in the future are supposed to be mature enough to know their responsibilities in life. A child who witnesses their affection and well-thought approach should not be a victim in the future, in their lives, if any kind of problem arises. I am not a child of an animal. I need to fight differently for existence in the changing world and I have to learn from and live with my parents.

Our society does not have any system to tackle such children. A child like me is also the future of a nation. I want to be a doctor. Who will bear my expenses for the same? A projected cost of studies, in case of no solution and ultimate separation, should be deposited or otherwise in the direction of a respectable Court, with direction to the automatic, timely release of funds to the concerned child like me. A third party under the full supervision of the court should be given the onus to look after such children. I do not want to go to any orphanage or shelter homes where situations may not be congenial, as I have read about many unhappy incidents in such dwellings in news. I am supposed to be the best but I do not want to be the definite worst.

I should not be prey to the unnoticed reasons that culminate later in the married life of my parents. This is not the judgement that is on my price. This is a kind of death warrant for my life in the world that judges everyone on its standard. No child is ready for this. I may not talk to God but I may tell my mind here in this world. I am not the only sufferer; society is to suffer also and bear the consequences of this human-made crime. Psychological and social studies, on children like me, are of no use if not giving lessons or redressal to stop such venomous acts.

Finally, I think that this story may be repeated in a second marriage. Then again, a child may face the same situation.

At last, I want to live with both of them so my parents should be punished to live together forever in life or till I become able and become independent. I am positive in the hope that I will be the reason for the revival of their togetherness.”

The message in the drama was very clear to settle the differences in married life in view of the future of children.

Hasty decisions should be avoided and separation should be last to come to mind with the closure of all options to be under one roof. Moreover, decisions at every step in life, mainly after marriage, should be well thought out, discussed and analyzed to avoid future problems, especially those related to children. The future of a child should be ensured until he or she becomes independent.

Protection

Our concept that nature is an open book, has been understood from the day our ancestors came into existence and interacted with mighty nature. We are solely dependent on nature for our every activity from water to food and from death to life. This has given us the courage to survive, exist and protect. I think that our survival and existence are mainly food and fight-based, but protection is fear-based, depending on experience.

Nature has given us several means of natural protection. One such means is armour which gives the confidence to fight and be safe. Natural things have protective armours in different forms of covers, colours and shapes changing etc. of the outer skin or venomous liquid emitting capability and many more. But the highly developed and equipped with intelligent brains, humans need both God-gifted natural as well as self-made artificial armours. The natural armours are probably the same for all but the additional artificial armours are many and differ from individual to community to nation with the sole purpose of protective measures for safety, security and existence. This artificial aspect of armours is subjected to experimental and innovative changes for mainly holding supremacy over others. In this field of artificial development, humans are missing humanity and are confined to selfish attitudes. They have developed varieties of armours in various fields of life as per needs. Even humans are fighting with the provider, nature, for resources, for artificial armour.

Humans know about analysing problems and finding out solutions but never imagine the long-term effects or repercussions. Because of these artificial attitudes we have lost many species, rivers have dried and many civilisations that flourished near rivers are no more in existence.

Humans have checked flowing rivers for water storage in huge dams for various purposes as armour but these are proving to be water bombs in long run. Our developments have given passage to the Sun’s ultraviolet rays to harm the world. The air hasn’t been left unaffected because of pollution caused by harmful gases and dust. The earth and ocean, providers of all natural resources have been turned into dumping grounds of pollutants and are taking their last breath. Humans have not stopped here but have surrendered to their greed, lusts, unjust needs and desires of being masters of all creatures. They are peeping into the universe to prove their supremacy. They have dug their graves and have prepared cremation grounds themselves because of unwise activities.

The ultimate sufferers are humanity and nature. Humans have given emphasis to ” protection is better than cure “, in place of ” precaution is better than cure “. The cure is becoming worse due to lack of care. The care of both humanity and nature is at stake. We should not forget that ” never is not better than late ” and late should be deferred forever by being rational about minute things in mindful use.

Humanity has developed two types of cultures for protection – firstly, human rights culture and secondly, under-the-carpet culture suiting the wits. The thoughts of liberty and independence are playing nerves in such cultures. Humans have reached too far ahead to retreat from impossible artificial levels. Such protections’ unexpected outcomes are giving a number of movements. But the difference between rich and poor is a hindrance. Rich is dominating in dictating the terms. It is reflected in the policies of rich countries to give, make slaves and engulf territory as cannibal sharks. They forget to take the lesson that fire has no discrimination and will reach their area also.

Self-centred protectionism has devastated nature too. But nature which has made a congenial environment for humans’ evolution has the capacity to show the doors to extinction. The change is in the hand of nature which is occasionally giving indications in her style, silently and covertly. However, nature has cycles of an offer to exchange at par with good steps taken by humans for betterment. We have to grab the opportunities. The more one sucks, the more is chance of bleeding, causing harm to self. The balance between giving and taking is essential. The silence has enormous energy to ignite, to take precautions, to protect, care, cure and overhaul entire systems to restore originality.

Most of us are not enjoying the God-gifted life and are always in competitive mode. In a nutshell, we have lost ourselves for nothing, knowing all facts of life. Nature has shown the reality in this century’s pandemic due to which all means of protection have proved to be futile and the whole of humanity has been failing to the condition but the fight for supremacy is continuing at the same pace as before. Artificial armour is considered to be more reliable than natural ones. May almighty save humans and humanity. Artificial armour is doing more harm than good.

She and He – The story for understanding

It was the first day in the office in his second service, where he saw her in a simple matching attire but with full confidence in gaiting and impressive conversation in that male dominating big room. He was completing necessary formalities in that administrative office. She was mediocre as per the standards of beauty but she had made a niche in his heart for regular attention in the coming days.

His brain and heart started discussions with each other, about her, affecting his days and nights. This took him to another world of mesmerising attractions of her all activities in dreams and realities. He had forgotten himself in the day for her glimpse and the night in dreams, imagining life with her.

These started affecting his behaviour in the office where he was spotted one day by the sixth sense of her, though unknowingly but got some space in her thinking. That culminated in love and the relationship got named husband and wife after marriage, having little resistance from both families.

The choice was proving best but the name of relationships demanded rights and responsibilities both in office and home. That took more space in the matter of discussions in married life. That was the beginning of bitterness in happily married life. All well-wishers and family members did their best but the relationship reached the verge of splitting.

They were the topic of spicy discussion in the office. Earlier it was for the love affair between them but now it was for the failure of such relationships after marriage. Both were trying to save the marriage. So one day on the advice of his seniors he managed his transfer to another place. That separation worked. After a few months, both of them realised that it was necessary to give space to each other as a companion rather than being masters with rights. It also became evident that some of the members of both families, in the name of sympathy, were shedding crocodile tears for their vested interests in their incomes.

It took about four years to realise the realities of life. But late is better than never. There was hesitation in taking the lead. A well-wisher friend, who had played the role at the time of their marriage, took the charge to reunite them. She gave her ears to the advice of that well-wisher and took the transfer to be with her husband in the same office where her husband was posted.

It was a moment of hesitation and pleasure for both of them. Her husband was waiting for her at the station as if it was their first meeting. Life’s joy was waiting. Their eyes blinked. The earth spread and the sky covered it. Their heartbeats synchronised. Tears washed the differences. Breathing became melodious. Silence became music. Waves in the ocean settled for bearing the fruit. Both smiled and recognised that their differences made them one. Relationships should be dealt with at heart and business by the mind. They thanked the time for being a teacher.

Their success story in life was that they were celebrating the silver jubilee of their marriage with a daughter who was the life of both of them. They never reminded each other, of the old happenings but saw the future for future generations. They were sitting with their daughter in the same corner of the same hotel’s dining hall where their love had flourished. There, they were enjoying with shyness the plethora of questions of their daughter.

ASSESSMENT

We are assessed at every stage in life from very childhood in terms of colour, height, health, physique, features, education, profession, behaviours, status, and many other qualities. Assessment is a process for the betterment of the concerned one. But this may not always be acceptable and true when humans are involved. We may find that in many cases of assessments in offices where bosses are all in all and assessments are targeted.

Assessment is a good process but the procedure followed for that differs in various working places of importance. In schools, the performance of students in board exams is the criteria for the assessment of teachers. It is acceptable as the futures of students and country are mainly dependent on good quality education. Professional institutions are assessed by students, parents, guardians and employers etc in terms of quality of education, fame, acceptability and employability etc. But the same is not the truth in the case of official assessment. There are certain criteria fixed for such assessment. This system is doing more harm than good. There may be an assessment at various levels before the conclusion. But it solely depends on the views of bosses. The most acceptable thought that the boss is always right, prevails in every office. That is the main criteria and other norms that are secondary for this job, affecting the careers of employees. The mood of the boss and the loyalty of employees toward the boss and his or her family play important roles in such a system. Even the dog of the boss plays a role. If someone is a relative or has good family relations with the boss, he or she has the upper hand over others. It is also found that an employee who has been judged excellent by one boss becomes average under another boss. If we research this system of assessment being termed as CR (Confidential report) in the official culture we may find many examples of ill assessment. This is also an astonishing secret to know as to how the assessment changes at different levels for the same employee and an excellent grade given by the immediate boss appears to be meaningless. Thus assessment may not be real and unbiased every time.

Sometimes, we may find the influence of affinity to the same discipline in such assessment. It is true in many cases where performance is linked with incentives. This system may allow the undeserving candidates to rise to the highest post, affecting the entire working culture. In this system, we may listen highest degree of praises delivered, even a comparison of the boss with the life-giving Sun from the universe.

This existing system is a deterrent to the efficiency and promotion of real, technically sound, good and honest workers and also affects the growth and achievements of the company. Negativity in the official atmosphere pervades and detaches from work. This, in turn, changes the working culture of devoted, enthusiastic, energetic workers into a depressed, time-passing, boring workforce. We may find that good workers are leaving organizations for better pasture.

In this system, the ultimate sufferers are the country’s progress and the citizens as this system is not flawless. So this system needs continuous evaluation with the progress of technologies and education in society. We should hammer on the right place for remedy and that is in the selection of a right and capable boss. The seniority in the hierarchy may not only be a criterion but also should have good records of achieving the goals of the office. The assessment of the boss may be linked with the performance of subordinates and feedback, as is the case in the education system. We should not forget that selection of candidates is made through very arduous processes and a single boss having vested interests in self may not be allowed to question the selection process by mere whimsical assessment, instead, the boss should be updated on the importance of subordinates in changing world. We should emphasize the hierarchy of ideas and not the fear of the boss for the performance of the individual.

Such types of assessments may be witnessed in many fields of life. We may get both sufferers and gainers. But the best continuous assessment is being done by the almighty and that is the final. He is the supreme who gives incentives, based on our actions. One human may not assess another human with limited thinking capacity, but he, the creator and controller of the universe can. We should wait for his assessment.    

Departure – A story for compromise

Where have we reached? Which direction are we going? Have we expected this? I was with my oldest friend. We started our lives together on this earth on the same date in the same village. What a miracle we are together since then – in school, in service and after retirement. So we are one soul. We know each other better than our parents.

God has given us full support with his blessings. But at the last stage of life, my friend is very disturbed because of his granddaughter. She was good in health and wealth but her married life’s conditions took the shelter of court for friendly separation after three years of married life. He was perturbed. Whatever was earlier considered unacceptable, is happening friendly nowadays. No one wants to compromise or tolerate odds. Why should only I? This question is worse than hell. In our time society, relatives and family members could not tolerate or accept such thinking. Marriage means, being together forever. It is made in heaven. But, now it has a different approach. My life is mine. My decision is for my welfare. My and I are first. My family and your family or many other factors are also playing roles.

All changes in the thinking and society took full review in our minds. We were happy and together in paucity.  Now, our limitations appeared lovely. We had roots intact and love to love all. Our homes were first on the priority list. Our expectations and anticipations were close-knit with family, friends and society. 

We accept that women have been the worst sufferers due to full dependency on males in the family.  We had realised it in our lives at early stages. We had seen restrictions on girl students – no more movements, no liberty, limited education and full obedience. We had read about many improvements but problems were there because of a lack of education and independence. We had realised the position of women in villages and encouraged our daughters to get full education for independence.

We accept that our daughters took care of their daughters and our granddaughters are financially independent, ready to take decisions and courageous to face problems. They are doing better and giving messages to be educated. They have taken the opportunities.

We are both friends and have witnessed developments and growth in resources of education and support to girls to be free of plights seen by their predecessors. But a new type of problem differentiating villages and cities in regards to the availability of essential facilities has taken place. Villagers went to cities, though living in miserable situations there, did not want to return to their native places. Old people from the village may not live with their sons and relatives in the city because of outsiders’ feelings, restrictions and lack of a healthy climate etc.

Everyone in the village was having a relationship, and helping attitude during thick and thin. They were one. They had news of all. These things are missing in cities. Most of the population migrated from villages, like leaves separated from original trees and flying with the mercy of the wind. So, the history of many families is not known in the city. But in villages, such is not the case of missing family history. These all help in making discussions and taking decisions. It is very informative for an institution like marriage. It is somewhat missing in cities. Most of the marriages are solemnised only on discussions between the two aspirants or through matrimonial sites where the roles of elders in the family are to agree only. After marriages, in most cases, turmoil starts because of a lack of submission, compromise, healthy dialogue and huge differences in views. Besides these financial matters, male dominating ego, financial independence of females and family’s interference on both sides are also aggravating the relationships. Then the roles of courts for separations and freedom from misery come.

My oldest friend’s granddaughter was also prey to all such nuances and the matter was in court for friendly separation. But separation is always harmful and should not be encouraged. Two families lose good time, money, and healthy society structures. The children of such families suffer the most. My friend was very upset about the deteriorating values of life. We are the example to foreigners of centuries-old family values and cultures. They are adopting our values and we are accepting their ” use and throw ” lifestyles. What a pity? 

My friend was weeping and I could only console him. We could only help each other. We know that the reasons may be many but education has to control the mind and thinking. In the education system, another English system is playing a role? Perhaps, we may never see daughter-in-law, mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law together to retain the traditions and culture. No doubt, everyone matters but compromise may not be ruled out. We compromise at every place – education, working places, and otherwise. But we do not want to compromise on the most important aspect of life. Why? The ego of being male or female?

Earlier we had come across a case where the husband was jailed for mischief in married life, but compromise got a place after discussion and the couple is living together. Ugly separation should be the last option.

My friend said no one may be perfect with all qualities but live together with all odds, with willpower. Arguments and differences are spices in life. Now life is not easy. It is full of tension, leading to depression. Psychological problems and monetary situations are playing roles in life. We know the repercussions of fiscal positions in behaviours. We in the village face it but have the satisfaction of not purchasing everything from the market for living and meeting both ends. Most of us have our own house and produce our items for food. We live with limited resources. But in the city where payment has to be made for everything, fiscal conditions affect life and such situations may arise if there are differences in views of life in marriage. During the economic recession, we found the end of many families in many countries due to the bankruptcy of many industries and fiscal institutions etc. Such separation was rampant.

My friend became more serious and said we should take care of the future from the very beginning of service because in this world money matters more than relationships. It may bring peace at every stage of life. It may stop separation on any basis. We have travelled from the combined to the nuclear family stage. No one is ready to sacrifice for life. Growth in a career in service is more important than family. Even children are considered a hurdle in life. Is it life where no one is to share or cheer emotions of life? We are becoming a machine. Now, education on our social and moral values is a must to avoid such separations.

I agreed with my friend but not completely. This difference is the basis of our friendship. We fight but discuss the reasons for the fight. We never forget our smiles.

My shadow

Because of me and myself, I have a shadow. My shadow is best companion of me in day or in light. It is black and unseen in dark. I have virtual shadow in night. My shadow increases and decreases in size owing to source and distance of light. I may have many shadows as per number of sources of light. I am in grief that I may not have shadow in dark and in the sky. I may not give colours to it.

My shadow helps me alone in deciding many things. I get knowledge of directions and probable distance of source of light except the distance of Sun. My shadow always has its identity, except one time it has lost its identity informing me because shadow- shadow interaction began for third shadow. Now my shadow is not in my control.


My shadow has no life but has the philosophy of life. Outer shadow needs outer source of light but inner shadow needs own enlightenment because problems of world are due to internal shadow. Our attitudes, thoughts, actions and interactions are controlled by this shadow. My physical shadow shows directions and distance but inner shadow makes blind and covers self consciousness. Inner shadow is limited to self body, but affects the surroundings. I have to search peace. I have to spare me from immoral things. I have to be immortal from mortality. I have to be selfless. I have to be of use for others. I have to leave arrogance. I have to search and follow truth. I have to overcome my inner shadow for all these changes. Every thing is within.

My outer shadow will not be with me forever but inner shadow may make my life heavenly on earth. I have to meet a path shower guru ( teacher ). I have to do noble deeds. I have to be me first, for others.

I read books. I got confused. Every book had its limitation. No book was complete in itself. Some books were for allurements. Some books were self praising.

Ultimately, I have a thought and concluded as under – that worldly duties should be performed in pious manner without harming anyone. I can change the world but I have to change first. Smiling face, soft words, and ready to help attitudes give peace and make life easy. Only deed should speak. Name should be used for identity and not for boasting. No one will carry any thing at the time of departure from this world. So attitude of hoarding should be beyond mind. Opportunities should be shared and needy should get first preference. Everyone should respect each other and should behave as servant, not the master.

All these are possible but inner shadow should be in control through fact finding and removing all greedy attitudes. One should have faith in self. Nothing is mine forever. Everyone is important. Everyone is a tourist in the world and is on tourist visa for  certain  duration. If I help someone, it means I have helped myself. Such attitudes  may be sufficient for control of inner shadow’s hunger. I am ready to bear the fruits of my deeds. I have hope. I have to Judge myself, other may not truly judge me. May God bless me and my soul rest in peace on earth and in heaven.

I know that God is great but I have to give him the chance.